Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man - David Clare, Joseph South, Franco 2008

Last Minute Resistance

Stop right there!

I gotta know right now

Before we go any further

Do you love me?

Will you love me forever?

Do you need me?

— Paradise by the Dashboard Light, by Meatloaf

Have you ever been with a woman and having a great time as things progressed to physical play? Maybe things got started with a dance to a favorite song, and then, slowly but surely, your bodies became closer and closer as your arousal increased. You could feel her arousal increasing too, as her kisses became more passionate and she began to pull your body closer to hers. At some point, one of you made a decision to get yourselves into more private surroundings, and the kisses and the touching continued to escalate. You and your woman were connecting on every level, and you became certain within yourself that the connection the two of you were experiencing could not be more perfect. And then, suddenly, she pulled back and said, “Stop!”

If you are like most men, at one time or another you have experienced something similar to the scenario we just described. And, like most men, you were probably left scratching your head wondering “what went wrong?” Actually, nothing went wrong, the woman is responding appropriately. This phenomenon is known as Last-Minute Resistance (LMR) and virtually every man has experienced it. LMR can be defined as female resistance to sexual intercourse, after the female has already agreed to spend time in an isolated venue with a man.

Intelligent men who have agonized over this phenomenon have come up with technology that allows one to effectively deal with LMR, while at the same time allowing the woman to maintain her self-respect. Later in the chapter, we will provide you with the specific tactics that every man would love to have with respect to LMR. But first, let’s make a detailed examination of the evolutionary underpinnings of LMR.

LMR has been described by women as a horrible, fearful emotion that envelopes them at a particular threshold. The threshold varies among women. One woman may draw the line at removing her jeans, another at removing her panties. The same woman may have a different threshold depending on the man, or the environment of the encounter, or both. A few women have very little LMR.

One of the reasons that LMR can be so frustrating for the man involved is that this reaction often occurs right at the point of no return of the sexual encounter; the point where a woman realizes that if she goes one step further, she is going to end up having sex with the man she is with. To put it simply, this fear comes down to a fundamental question that the woman feels inside: “should I — or should I not — have sex with this man (yet)?” Every single woman on the planet will feel this emotion at one time or another in her life, and to varying degrees.

LMR is difficult for men to understand, because men do not experience this in the same way. Men do have an corresponding fear, one that is experienced at the very beginning of the sexual encounter, and that is the fear of the approach. Since women do not normally approach men, they often find it difficult to understand this male fear, in the same way men find it hard to understand LMR.

LMR is a mechanism that is hardwired into the biology of virtually every woman on the planet, no matter what her level of sexual experience or her cultural background. In biological terms, LMR serves two purposes in benefit of the woman.

Biological and Sociological Purposes of LMR

If a woman becomes impregnated by a man and the man does not stick around to protect her and her child, this can be a real danger for the woman. This is a basic, instinctual fear inside almost every woman alive. The fear persists in spite of the fact that today’s society allows women the freedom to choose one man for pregnancy, another man to support her, and other men for fun on the side. Today, health care for most women is far superior to the days when pregnancy meant death for 50 per cent or more of childbearing women. In those days, being abandoned by her mate could mean ostracism, poverty and even death for a woman. Today, the state will give a woman full custody of her children, order that child support be paid, and remove most of the harsh consequences of pregnancy, but these are recent societal developments which do not alter a woman’s biological makeup.

LMR is also an instinctual reaction from females induced when she finds herself in a state of isolation. We believe this reaction fulfills two roles: it is designed to maximize her evolutionary value, and to preserve her physical safety. In our culture, a woman’s being isolated with a male has a sexual meaning. A lot of cultural norms and institutions have been put in place with the sole purpose of prohibiting females from being in a state of isolation with a man to whom she is not married. Physical safety considerations come from both the biological risk of childbirth, which is dangerous for women, and getting caught in a “compromising” situation has far more lethal ramifications on the African savannah where humans first evolved.

Usually, a man who is directing his efforts towards having sex with a woman will attempt to get the woman into a state of isolation in order to achieve his goal. Men in particular hold the viewpoint that if a female agrees to isolation with a male, she is desiring to have intercourse with him. However, that is not necessarily the case.

Basically, when a female has agreed to be in an isolated venue with a man, she has decided (at least subconsciously) that the male in question is superior in terms of genetic fitness, in comparison to all the other males in her proximity. At a minimum, she would like for others observing the interaction to believe that she feels this way about the man. Since LMR means frustration for the man and puts him in a position of wanting something from the female, exhibiting LMR gives her some power over him. In this way, she can maximize her potential control over him. It is therefore important to detect the underlying meaning of the LMR being displayed.

Two types of LMR

If a woman has LMR out of an inability to be sexually receptive to a man, or because of difficulties in accepting any man as sexual human being, then what we have is LSE LMR, which is a pathological form of LMR.

If a woman has LMR for a biological and evolutionary need to test her male’s psychological strength and control over his instincts — in other words, to test for his lack of neediness — then we have HSE LMR.

HSE LMR is a trademark of a female who is a very strong individual in terms of her rational control over her biological instincts. Such a woman wants to be sure to choose only strong males as her sexual partner. A “strong male” in this context is one who does not need her, either sexually or psychologically.

These are of course general descriptions; most women will have a mixture of both HSE and LSE. When you properly screen a woman for her self esteem, then you will be able to avoid the pain and frustration that comes from dealing with a woman with LSE LMR. You can rest assured that a woman who would exhibit LSE LMR with you at the beginning of your relationship will consistently do so, as long as your relationship with her lasts. She will do so because has indicated from the outset that this type of behavior is either acceptable or tolerable to him.

Dealing with LMR

It should now be obvious to you, the reader, that you will want to avoid women who exhibit LSE LMR. A relationship with a woman like that will constantly put you in the position of a man who is made to feel like his natural male desires are somehow wrong or immoral, and at a minimum, a burden to the woman he is with. In reality, for a sexual relationship to function in a healthy way, you should view sex as your gift to her. The gift a woman gives you is her love, not her sex.

That being said, there remains the issue of legitimate, HSE LMR, where a woman is merely testing you for strength because of her own high self-esteem. As we mentioned in the last paragraph, the way to pass that test is to demonstrate that you do not need her, either sexually or psychologically. Demonstrating this positions you as a man of strength.

Let’s say for example that you are about to reach the point of no return, and your woman abruptly says “we should stop.” The correct procedure here is not to get upset or angry, or to sulk or complain. Rather, you will want to demonstrate that you understand this phenomenon, which implies that you’ve seen it before, and that you are not at all troubled by it. Remember, sex is a gift from you to her. If you decide that you no longer feel like cuddling with her, then you can get up and make a sandwich, go for a walk, or check your email. Remember, it is absolutely vital that the woman not feel that she has been able to upset you by this course of events.

Preempting LMR

If you are dealing with a sexually healthy, HSE woman, remember that her LMR reaction is a test for her to judge your strength and your dependence on her. Before mating, a woman needs to feel like she is with a man who is strong and able to take care of her and her child in a case of pregnancy. If a man demonstrates that he is dependent on her for either sex or psychological support, she instinctively knows that he is not the man with the best genes for her. And the best way to judge a man’s strength is to observe him under pressure. These tests are merely part of the female biological instinct.

Women also have an instinctual fear of being abandoned by a man who, while he may be very attractive to her in terms of his strength, may not be willing to stick around long enough to ensure the safety of her and her child.

When couples fall in love, there is a chemical process that occurs the brain known as pair bonding. The biological purpose of pair bonding is to ensure that a couple stays together long enough in order to ensure the survival of both the mother and the child.

One way to preempt the naturally occurring LMR in a healthy, HSE woman is to encourage pair bonding throughout the courtship process. Assure her with words such as: “I feel that you and I have a really special connection,” or “Even though we are here amongst all of our friends and loved ones, my mind is on you all the time.” These words are effective, with the following caveats. Such statements should never be made in an approval-seeking way, and should only be done in the context of building comfort with a woman who is obviously already attracted to you. And it should go without saying that that if you do not feel pair bonded with her, don’t manipulate her emotions by telling her you do.

The Rapo Game

Every once in a while, a woman will come along and give you all the right signals, all the way up until it’s time to lift her skirt. Then, she not only balks at your advances, but becomes indignant about the entire notion of sexual intimacy. In other words, she tricks you. The best description of this phenomenon is Eric Berne’s “Rapo Game” [12]. If you meet a woman like this, your absolute best bet is to project both strength and absolute disinterest. Showing any weakness, such as when apologizing or supplicating may induce a further attack, with possible adverse legal consequences. Disinterest means exactly that: you never want to make an overture of any sort towards this type of a woman. And best to never be isolated with her either.

For whatever reason, you may be required to interact with such a woman in a social context, and you may be in a position where you must always respond to her in a pleasant and polite manner. Such women know that they hold all the cards, and that society will completely back them and any allegations they make. The game for these women is the obtaining male attention, but in an very sick way. If you can avoid giving such women your attention, you will go a long way towards defusing future problems for yourself.