The first rule of Fight Club: You do not talk about Fight Club.
— Tyler Durden, from the movie “Fight Club”
Our book isn’t for everyone. Some men are deeply angry, bitter or cynical about women in general; we can’t help you. You must first let those destructive emotions dissipate. Such emotions are frightening to women, such that they actually produce a physical, instinctual response within her. Even a physically small man becomes a big, scary guy throwing a big, scary fit when he allows his angry emotions to run amok. Women have a biologically hardwired panic reaction to such behavior, and they will avoid men exhibiting signs of it.
Men who are happy in their marriages have little need for our material, although we guarantee they will read it and find themselves saying, “Hey, that’s what I do too!” And we believe that even happy men will find nuggets of wisdom that allow them to be more than just happy. We’re talking real wisdom, that will allow men to absolutely delight the women in their lives and teach men to take their relationships to the next level.
This book is for men who love women and want to improve their relationships with them and achieve maximum well-being for both parties.
The Modern, Western Woman
Men and women in our modern society have become emotionally and psychologically distant from each other. In some countries — such as the United States and western Europe — the situation has worsened. Women today have far greater civil rights than men, yet continue to engage in political battles against men whom they view as their common oppressor. This process creates resentment in men, who feel that they are no longer being appreciated as fathers and husbands. Many men react to this by engaging in infidelity with other women (or even men!) and/or withdrawing from their responsibilities as fathers and husbands.
The modern, western woman is free to explore as wide of a range of sexual experience as she desires, with very little risk to her physical health and safety. However, women are still subject to the dictates of biology, which have evolved over millions of years, and women still suffer from culturally-induced biases that hinder them from truly enjoying their sexuality. In this book, we will demonstrate vividly the ramifications of both biology and culture on the modern woman, and we will show you how to help her to overcome these biases, for the rich enjoyment of both of you.
This Book is for You
If women seem mysterious to you, it simply indicates your lack of experience or knowledge, nothing more. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something to rectify.
For men who find women a complete mystery, there is hope: much of female behavior can be predicted, as Franco is famous for saying, “with mathematical precision!” Think about it. The average college woman has dated many men, perhaps 6 or 12, or possibly (almost certainly) many more. She has a wealth of resources at her disposal for dealing with men, ranging from gossip with friends and coworkers, to shelves of books in the bookstore, to any of dozens of magazines such as Cosmopolitan; all of these dedicated to the art of maintaining attraction and connection with men. What do men enjoy that’s comparable? Nothing! And in the realm of divorce, custody and domestic violence law, today’s woman almost always enjoys far more rights than any man does.
The majority of men today do not possess very many tools that work effectively when it comes to understanding and dealing with the opposite sex. Go ahead and take a visit to your local bookstore. Browse the books on relationships, and the books authored by women purporting to tell you “what women want” and “how to treat women.” Does this stuff actually work? Well, with divorce rates at an all-time high, with divisions between the sexes even more pronounced than ever, we would have to say “no, it does not work!”. In our own personal experience, the prevailing, mainstream dating and relationship advice does not work! However, once you unravel the mysteries of subcommunication with our help, you will read these books in a whole different light. Very much like reading between the lines, you will begin to see that what women say isn’t exactly what they mean, at least not in terms of male language. You must pay attention to how women say what they say — and equally importantly — to what they have left unsaid. As we will show, these same books can actually become a gold mine of information once a man understands how to use these resources properly.
When relationships are handled properly, modern, western women provide men with unparalleled opportunity for personal growth and enrichment. Women today have more money, more power, and more education than at any time in history. Many women today can completely financially support a man and a family. Women can train their minds and develop their bodies to help even the score physically with men, and therefore can be in less danger from physical assault than ever before in history.
The basis of our book is the celebration of femininity and female sexuality. We absolutely adore women! All three of us, in our everyday lives, are passionate lovers of women, both inside and outside the bedroom. However, we do not worship women. We simply treat them as truly equal partners, and insist that they act as responsible adults in their interactions with us. We — along with the women with us — get what we need and want out of our relationships. As importantly, we have learned to choose women receptive to what we are able to bring to relationships. With most women, we step up to the leadership position that we naturally posess as men — which most women absolutely crave, whether they admit to that or not.
Setting the Stage
Have you ever met a man who says of his wife, “She’s the boss!”? No doubt you have, and no doubt you’ve noticed that when a man says something like this, he means it, as if his wife figuratively carries his balls in her purse. Do you find this sort of thing to be vaguely (or extremely) alarming? We certainly do, for many, many reasons.
Fundamentally, we find this type of situation alarming because, in our actual, real world experience with women, such men are invariably less than delighted with their marriages. At the same time these men feel powerless. They also suspect, often quite correctly, that their wives don’t really respect them. Ask any one of these men, “Hey, how’s sex with the wife?” and most likely you will get answers ranging from “Sex? What’s that?” to a hostile “That’s none of your fucking business.” In our experience, we rarely meet the man who smiles, saying “She treats me well.”
You’ve probably experienced a similar pattern when it comes single men. Of course, there are single men that have happy and vibrant sex lives. But teenage boys and young men are often taught through locker room antics that it’s ok and even a lot of fun to brag about sexual conquests that are exaggerated, and that many times, never even happened. And then there are other men who begin a relationship and enjoy incredible sex at the beginning, only to find that over time, the sex diminishes as the woman’s emotional demands increase. You may have even experienced the pain that comes when you love your girlfriend so much and would do anything to please her, and yet the harder you try, the more distant she gets. This can be extremely frustrating for a man.
We are here to tell you: It doesn’t have to be this way!
We will show you throughout the pages of this book how you can escape all manner of emotional traps and manipulation. We will teach you ways of changing yourself, thus allowing you to lead yourself into a happy future with an adoring woman. We give you practical advice every step of the way, with real examples drawn from our personal experiences.
So, why did we decide to write this book about women, anyway? We want to help our fellow men to understand, appreciate and love women for who and what they are. We want to destroy a myth: the myth that women cannot be understood. Women can be understood, as Franco likes to say “with mathematical precision,” and women can be loved for who they are, with the greatest love. We want to share with you what we have found actually works with happy women in our lives, women who do indeed treat us well.
When the three of us met each other for the first time and became friends, one thing was clear from the start: all of us love women for the wonderful human beings that they are. Each of us consider it most important to unconditionally love women for who women are, rather than who we would naively wish them to be.
How to Read this Book
Throughout this book, we repeatedly share our beliefs about women and female behavior. We are much less concerned with proving any irrefutable truth than we are with the efficacy of our beliefs. The framework we present is based on biological and evolutionary principles, but we don’t insist on causality. These principles simply provide a coherent structure upon which to hang our experience with women, and our observations of women’s behavior.
Each chapter describes a key component in the panorama of practical female psychology, yet each chapter is inter-related. To get the most out of this book, you may find the need to read it more than once. We use many broad generalizations to isolate and precisely describe various facets of female behavior.
The reader must understand that applying any broad generalization to a specific woman requires calibrating the principle to the women at hand. No one woman embodies a stereotype, yet all women share common traits in greater or lesser degree.
We wish all of you a wonderful journey during your reading of this book. We sincerely hope that this book will be of help to many, many men the world over, as they strive for their lifelong, natural desire to make the women that they love exceedingly happy.