Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man - David Clare, Joseph South, Franco 2008

The Anti-Slut Defense

What kind of a girl would do

the things you’re askin’ me to without wedding rings?

Is it what you must do to prove you’re a man?

What kind of a girl do you think I am?

— What Kind of a Girl, by Loretta Lynn

Often a woman will want to have sex with a man, sometimes very urgently, but she will impose logical reasons, excuses, and other obstacles in order to hinder sex from happening. Especially when a woman is in the presence of her peers or family will she tend to avoid any appearance of promiscuity or of being too readily available for sex. Her corresponding behavior in such situations is referred to as the “Anti-Slut Defense” (ASD).

An experienced man can deflect ASD so as to extract from his woman the best of her sexuality. On the other hand, learning to detect ASD is also important in order for you to be able to determine which woman or women to spend your time and energy on. You should be aware that there is a socially-induced ASD, which is present in every woman, and also a pathological ASD, which is a sign of a woman who will never be able to fully enjoy her sexuality, even within the boundaries of a socially-acceptable relationship such as marriage. A woman who exhibits strong ASD at all times no matter what the circumstances can surely be considered LSE.

This chapter includes some of the most important material in this book. Your ability to defuse ASD is one of the most powerful weapons you will have for being in a position to sexually satisfy women.

ASD in Seduction

Seducing is the act of first creating attraction within a woman, and soon thereafter a willingness to have sex with you. In most cases, you can view the presence of at least some of the signs of ASD as a positive thing. Generally speaking, ASD is a sign that you are succeeding in making a woman horny. With your help, a psychologically healthy woman will eventually be able to overcome her ASD and enjoy sex with you.

ASD can be detected by observing a complex of verbal and non-verbal, behavioral responses within the woman. Detecting ASD is not always easy; in fact, the woman will not usually communicate it directly but, rather, she will subcommunicate it.

During the seduction process, you will need to perform an independent interpretation of the woman’s subcommunication without actually talking or arguing with her about it. Quite often, the presence of ASD is completely unconscious to the woman. Even in cases where a woman recognizes certain symptoms of ASD within herself, she will rarely discuss this openly with you.

ASD can be noticed when a woman shows signs of general uneasiness in conjunction with an increase in her arousal. This is different than when a woman is testing you. Usually, a woman tests a man so that she can determine whether or not he is worthy of having sex with her. With ASD, on the other hand, she is already craving sexual relations with you, but she is feeling a sense of inner conflict about her arousal. She may wonder whether she is a slut or a bad woman for being so aroused so quickly in your presence. As was already mentioned, these feelings maybe (somewhat) unconscious and be manifested by a general feeling of discomfort.

Keep in mind that ASD can be very specific: some women may feel like sluts if they have sex with you on the beach and yet be perfectly at ease having sex with you in hotels. Other women may feel that they are sluts if they have sex with you in a hotel and be perfectly at ease on the beach.

A woman’s ASD will often be totally illogical and unrelated to the context and situation. For example Franco remembers one of his lovers, a married woman, who felt she was perfectly okay making love with him at her professional studio, and yet she would feel like a slut when presented with the opportunity for a rendezvous at a hotel.

Usually, a woman’s feelings of ASD will be projected onto the man in question, meaning that she will tend to feel that it is entirely your fault if she begins to feel badly about feeling slutty.

What is a “Slut”, anyway?

When we think in terms of evolutionary advantage, people will tend to label women as “sluts” when they seem to be ignoring certain rules for fair competition among women. Women are always after the highest-value males, and a slut is a woman who is accused of selling her reproductive rights to men at too low of a price. Women are very competitive in nature and will sometimes enforce the rules of competition through selective labeling of their competitors.

The term “slut” also comes from a perspective of negative moral judgement on the part men with the Madonna/whore complex. These men are in fact scared of competition with other men, and so they label women whom they consider to be “easy” as sluts. A man speaking in such a derogatory fashion about a woman is in fact demonstrating fear of the woman’s sexuality and an inability to handle it in a mature fashion.1

1“Slut” is a label also applied by men to women who refuse to grant sexual access to such men, while publicly granting access to other males. In this situation, the epithet comes from envy.

ASD in Long-Term Relationships

ASD is also rampant in long-term relationships! In fact, it’s almost certainly more present in long-term relationships with Provider-type men than it is in short term or ephemeral relationships with Lovers.

Think about it from the woman’s point of view. She may enjoy a surprisingly wide variety of sexual activity, but her need for personal security and security for her children preclude such activities, when her man is not comfortable with sexually engaged women. Suppose he sees on TV or a movie a scene depicting a sexually active woman and exclaims “What a slut she is!” using a tone laden with condemnation or contempt. His judgement on that woman sends powerful messages to the woman he is with, such as:

• He is not comfortable with female sexuality

• He may be supplicating to obtain his woman’s approval,

saying what he believes she wants to hear

• He does not have very much sexual experience with women. Men with a lot of sexual experience with women know that women as a group enjoy an extremely wide variety of sexual activity.

Women will test for your views on “sluttiness” within a relationship, by making remarks like “Oh that woman is such a slut!” If you are a man who enjoys the company of women, step up and say so: “I know! That’s what I like about her so much!” This test is commonly employed early on in a relationship. The woman will use bad-behaving celebrities — or other women she doesn’t know personally making similar news — as examples for such comments.

One thing is for sure: if you don’t believe a woman is capable of acting in some particular sexual manner, you can be absolutely sure she won’t act in this way, with you. If such an activity is something she craves, some integral part of her love map, she may find it elsewhere. If you don’t take steps to lead her where you want to go, you will never find out one way or another whether she is willing to follow you there. Don’t sell her short!

Practical Advice

In our society, it may not be possible to eliminate the phenomenon of ASD entirely, but we can certainly mitigate the incidence and severity of it with the women we choose to interact with. One important way that we can do this is by mastering something known as Discretion.

Discretion is the quality that we display as a signal to the woman that we are aware of the prevalence in society of the Madonna/whore complex, and that we have personally dealt with it. We realize that the complex presents a real danger for women in our world; at the very least, she senses danger from it in her subconscious mind. How do you subcommunicate to a woman that she is safe being sexual with you?

Consider when you are in a group of people, and some of the men begin making distasteful comments about a certain woman’s sexuality. Are you eager to make fun at the woman’s expense? Or consider if you have an opportunity for a secret rendezvous with an attractive woman. Are you the type of person to openly discuss the possibilities with your friends, as if you were a child about to travel to Disney World for the first time? Or would you likely brag about your conquest after the fact to anyone who will listen? Doing any of these things will position you as a man that is not discreet and who cannot be trusted with any decent woman’s honor. You will automatically and unfailingly raise the ASD of the women around you. This is something, however, that women will rarely, if ever, talk about. Women simply avoid men who are not discreet.

Men who are enjoying many sexual partners do not need to brag about their conquests as if they somehow “got lucky.” Men who want to enjoy the company of many women must first learn to cultivate and display the quality of discretion. You are a man that is comfortable with women and their sexuality, and at the same time you know when to keep your mouth shut. You are not disturbed by female sexual expression and at the same time you know how to discreetly create the circumstances that will allow the woman the freedom to express herself. While you love and enjoy sex and have no embarrassment about your sexual desires as a healthy man, sex is not something so rare and unusual for you that you are compelled to reveal private details to the woman’s friends, or even your own friends.

You will find that even women who have a liberated view of sexuality will in fact avoid men who do not display discretion. While many people today will not judge a woman for being promiscuous, other people will still judge her quite harshly. Naturally, she will feel comfortable with non-judgmental people and will want to avoid people with a deeply-ingrained Madonna/whore complex.

Demonstrate Discretion

It’s not enough to subcommunicate discretion. You must demonstrate discretion as well. Men who are showoffs, braggarts and boasters, who must have the last word, who crave being the “most in the know,” who are addicted to playing “one-up,” these men will find demonstrating discretion much more difficult.

Here’s how it works: Discussing real sexuality is more or less taboo in nearly all segments of society. When sexuality is discussed, uncomfortable topics often arise quickly, increasing the social and sexual tension. This tension is invariably reduced with ridicule. Which is exactly what triggers ASD.

Suppose you and your woman get up to some naughty stuff, stuff that drives her crazy, but she would be mortified if people found out. Now you are both surprised to find that the topic comes up in public discussion, in one of two ways:

1. As innuendo. This is easy: let it pass. If other people in the conversation don’t know otherwise, just let them think you’re a bit “dull” in such matters and not so quick on the uptake about the sex thing. Your woman will instantly understand and appreciate your actions here.

2. Directly. A little bit tougher: go with the crowd here, and subcommunicate to your woman that you’re playing along to maintain discretion. Tell her later, in private, that while you may find such people agreeable to socialize with at times, their unenlightened, judgemental or ignorant attitude about women’s sexuality is boring to you.

More simply put: just keeping your mouth shut will go a lot further than most men.

Reducing ASD in LTRs

Men in long-term relationships wanting to engage their women in deeper, more passionate sexuality need to start with themselves. In particular, as a man, you must ask yourself these questions:

• What really is acceptable and unacceptable female sexual behavior for me? (Dig deep, gentlemen.)

• How am I — as a man leading my relationship — prepared to take concrete action?

Most men have a vague notion of their feelings about the first point, and none at all about the second. In fact, most men aren’t really aware they have any choice in the matter of the second point.

Once the above work has been started (it’s a process; don’t think you will ever finish it), taking a relationship to the next level generally follows one of two patterns:

1. The man attempts to logically persuade the woman.

2. The woman attempts to emotionally persuade the man.

You can see both patterns in nearly every issue of Playboy’s “Advisor” column.

The first point never works. Not ever. The second is much more liable to work, except that not too many women are going to lead their relationship in a “sluttier” direction. More so today than ever before — to be sure — but this is still the exception rather than the rule. Not so surprisingly, for the second point, women tell of frustration in attempting to engage their men with activity beyond the men’s comfort zones.

So, how to proceed? The answer is simple!

Simply seduce your woman. That’s all there is to it. Remember, it’s impossible to seduce someone who is unwilling to be seduced. Let her be the “willing victim of circumstance;” let this be your gift to her.

Every time you desire a level of sexual engagement that is beyond either the social norm or her present comfort level, lead her there with confidence. Everything about seduction still applies in a long term relationship just as much as in a same night lay from a nightclub. You will have to build her attraction to you high enough to compel her to desire the risk. You must build comfort and rapport at this newer, deeper and riskier level of sexual engagement. You must be willing to handle ASD as it arises. And most importantly, you must be able to handle Last Minute Resistance from your woman exactly as if you just met her 3 hours before in a cafe. In a very real sense, you are meeting a new woman! Certainly, you are meeting an aspect of her personality that is previously unknown to you. She must always feel the emotional security that comes from being with a man who truly loves women.