Male Qualities Attractive to Women
A pretty man came to me
Never seen eyes so blue
I could not run away
It seemed we’d seen each other in a dream
It seemed like he knew me
— Magic Man, by Heart
Now you know all about how the female mind works! In fact, you know things about feminine psychology that very, very few men will ever know. Experienced ladies men may know a lot of these things subconsciously, but never before has the true nuts and bolts of the female brain been laid out for you in such a way as we have done in this book.
Now, it’s time to take a look at ourselves as men. It’s one thing to understand what motivates women and what gets them sexually aroused. It’s quite another matter to actually be a man who is sexually appealing to women. So let’s take a good, long look in the mirror and find where we can improve ourselves as men who love women deeply.
Do you think that women care a lot about a man’s looks? Before we answer that question, here’s another: have you ever seen a woman being drawn to a particular man and found yourself scratching your head in amazement? You look at the guy, and you think to yourself, “That guy is as ugly as home-made sin, what in the world does she see in him?.”1 While many good looking men have beautiful women in their lives, many do not.
Good looks can, in fact, hinder your success with women. A very good looking, handsome, or dapper man is expected to be an expert with women. Such a man lacking expert qualities suffers under the label of “creepy.” This is due to a phenomenon called congruence. A man who looks like he is good with women should be good with women. This is a situation that worsens with age. Really good-looking, younger guys can get away with quite a bit, especially with older women who find such naive incongruence to be cute or charming. Furthermore, without very careful calibration, women who cannot match you in looks may well refuse your advances, feeling that all a good-looking guy would want with her is easy sex. Thus, whether you look like a male model or not, you need game to consistently get what you want!
What one woman finds attractive is often another woman’s definition of dog food. It’s that subjective. We have also discovered that when it comes to looks, men put priority on different facets than women do. Of course, women prefer tall men with muscular bodies, right? However, if a man possesses certain other attributes besides just good looks, what we will call Alpha Attributes, he will actually be rated as better looking by the women in the study. Conversely men who appear 2 good looking in photographs, will later be ranked several points lower on the looks scale if they are deficient in the Alpha Attributes.
1Joseph: I recall many such experiences while growing up. I would say to myself, “it can’t be his looks, he’s very ugly! At least by the standards I’ve seen on television. What is going on here?” It took me years to understand what was really going on.
2Women will tell you these men “look good on paper.”
Before we discuss some of the Alpha Attributes that you will want to cultivate in yourself, let’s posit for now that good looks are a somewhat of a help in your success with women. If you are naturally good looking, you might have a certain advantage at the outset, and we won’t deny that. However, as you will soon discover, there are other qualities that you must have which are far more important.
In Chapter 4 (Female Basic Conflict), we examined in detail how, instinctually, women have two primary needs when it comes to selecting a mate. First, they need a man with fierce, strong genes to mate with. This is where sexual attraction comes into play. Women also need emotional and financial support during times of pregnancy and childbirth and through the infancy of the child. True, modern society has conferred many benefits onto women such that they usually no longer need a specific man to fulfill the role of “provider.” Whether consciously or unconsciously, however, women will typically view a man as either a potential Lover, or a potential Provider, or some combination of these two types. It is crucial to understand this distinction, which all women make with the men in their lives.
What then, about material wealth? Well, whether you are a Lover or a Provider, having wealth will certainly help you with your goals in life. But again, like good looks, it is not even a primary criteria for attracting a woman sexually. (Recall from Chapter 7 — Female Archetypes — that a Materialista is a woman who is not motivated by sexual attraction but by money or material possessions).
It is true that we are constantly bombarded with media images telling us that a man on one knee who has just spent three month’s worth of his salary to buy a stone for a woman is what makes him sexually attractive. And we know that both men and women love to receive gifts. But demonstrating that you put your woman on a pedestal, or displaying your capability as a potential Provider, is not at all the same thing as cooking up sexual attraction within a woman. As you will soon discover, sexual attraction does not get sparked within a woman based on the size of your bank account or even by your genuine displays of love towards her.
A man’s ability to generate and grow wealth does in fact signal the presence of other, more important qualities within the man, such as leadership, intelligence, survivability and so forth.
What is an “Alpha” male? According to dictionary.com, Alpha Male simply refers to a man who is the dominant member within a group of males. Women are irresistibly drawn to the Alpha Male. It’s instinctual: a woman cannot help but feel deep sexual attraction when she is in the presence of an Alpha Male. Her instincts signal to her that he is a leader of men, he is a survivor. He is so strong that competition from other males — which is a reality in life — does not phase him at all, in fact, he thrives on it. Her evolutionary instincts signal unmistakably that this is a man she would like to mate with. In plain English, we say “he makes her horny.”
Naturally, then, we will want to cultivate the traits of an Alpha Male. More than just putting on an act, we must become the Alpha Male. We’ve already explained in great detail how a woman will test you to see whether you are putting on an act or if you are the real deal. To become an Alpha Male can sometimes take years of practice and study, but great improvements can be made starting today, as soon as you set this book down on your coffee table. What, then, are some of the key characteristics of the Alpha Male?
Impudence is the most tell-tale trait of the Alpha Male: that ability to raise a finger, saluting the absurdity of life, and face the consequences with a smile or smirk. Another way in which we demonstrate impudence is by displaying our ability to take a woman sexually. Everyone knows that heterosexual men like to have sex with beautiful women, but due to society’s constraints and that mental illness that we’ve referred to earlier as the Madonna/whore Complex, men hold back.3 Such men act overly polite and gentlemanly, so as not to offend the woman’s supposed delicate sensibilities. The impudent man, on the other hand, takes what he wants. An impudent man is not intimidated by beauty and is not afraid to create the circumstances to entice a beautiful woman into willing submission.
Sexual Confidence Another reason why being a sexually confident male is attractive to women is because it demonstrates that you have sexual competence. Women don’t want to just have sex; they can get plain old sex anywhere and any time. What women do want, what women intensely crave, is great sex. We are confident about the things we know we are good at. Therefore, when we display sexual confidence, we are sending a powerful message to the woman: we know what we are doing and we know how to blow her mind! That’s instantly attractive to a woman.
Voice Quality. We defer to popular authority on this one: “US researchers got 149 men and women to rate the attractiveness of a series of recorded voices. They found the most appealing voices belonged to people who had sex at an earlier age, had more sexual partners and were more prone to infidelity.” 4 We refuse to speculate whether voice quality is cause or effect!
Leader of Men, Protector of Women. When you demonstrate that you understand the potential danger a woman faces if she acts out sexually, and that you are a man that can shield her from those consequences, then you are naturally going to be attractive to her. Most women are not impressed by a man who finds himself in bar fights or other unnecessary physical altercations. But she will want to know she is safe with you and that you’re not afraid to act in cases where it’s absolutely necessary. It’s really important to recognize that rushing to a woman’s defense is rarely necessary. A man who doesn’t understand this subtle point is going to create the opposite effect in women to what he intends.
Mission and Honor. Take away from a man his mission and his honor, take away from him the feeling that he is useful to his women and his children, and you kill him emotionally. Men understand instinctively that without respect, there is no chance for love. As a man, you’ll want to be steadfast in your mission in life, whatever you might choose for that to be. And you’ll want to be sure that your principles and your mission in life is without compromise, especially in cases where a woman might try to divert you from them. A woman really doesn’t want a man to give up his mission or compromise his honor for her, but she is interested to know if a man will easily be led to do so.
Decisiveness has many aspects, the most notable of which is the ability to make an appropriate decision when under mental, emotional or physical stress. This could be called “Decisive Leadership” and has a very important place in relationships.
3“Taking” a beautiful woman is not an endorsement for forced sex any more than capitalism is an endorsement for bank robbery.
Dominance and Social Status
Male Sexual Dominance is a complex of behavioral responses from a man meant to lead the woman and her emotions into sex. Male Sexual Dominance is actually an important precondition for a woman to become sexually aroused. The “Cocky and Funny” attitude, popularized by David DeAngelo, is a pattern of behavior that constitutes sexual dominance over the female, without the need for physical dominance. This style of behavior does indeed elicit sexual arousal in females. By withdrawing rapport from the female, and by displaying a cocky but funny or playful attitude, the male is behaving in a sexually dominant way and is thereby able to arouse the female sexually.
Just as visual stimulus is a great factor in increasing a man’s sexual desire, a man’s social status has a tremendous impact on female sexual desire. This means that a certain characteristic in the male elicits a certain neurobiological response in the recipient.
Of course, the fact that women will respond preferentially to men displaying the traits indicative of high mate value does not imply that women consciously appraise men through the sharp eye of material pragmatism in every case.
When a woman experiences feelings of sexual attraction, she is not, at a conscious level, plotting a reproductive strategy designed to maximize the representation of her genes in future generations. Rather, she is probably simply experiencing sexual desire for the man in question. This desire may or may not enhance her reproductive success in the milieu where it is experienced.
When you start to apply the counsel in this book and adopt the traits of the alpha male, you will find that competition among women for your time and company can in fact become quite fierce. As men who have made such a transformation, we can tell you first hand that you will experience astonishment at the reactions you begin to receive from women, along with a deep sense of satisfaction.
Warning! women will test you, and test you hard. As we have discussed, females have a biological imperative to select only the best males to have sexual relationships with. Therefore, quite simply, women will test you in order to determine whether you truly possess those Alpha traits or are just a fake, only pretending to be an Alpha Male. A woman becomes consciously aware that she is in the presence of an attractive male, but at the same time her instincts drive her to make certain choices. Therefore, these tests will be both conscious and subconscious from the woman’s perspective.
The important thing is to recognize these tests when they come, and to not take them personally in a negative way. The testing is “personal,” in the sense that they are directed at you, but the good news is that it generally means that the woman likes you and has at least some attraction for you. Why? Because if she were not attracted to you, she wouldn’t bother spending any time with you at all!
Men that are orbiters will generally say that their relationships with these women are generally good and that they cannot understand why she is not attracted sexually when they “do everything for her.” What such a man has missed is that the woman has already tested him and found him lacking as a sexual being. He is now in the role of male girlfriend, or benefactor, and as long as he maintains that role, she has no reason to argue with him or test him as a sexual male. She will, of course, still test him from time to time to ensure that the dinners, drinks and emotional comfort are always available to her.
Since testing is so closely related to the mechanisms controlling sexual attraction, it is important to remember that testing never ends. Maintaining an appropriate level of attraction within the relationship is important. Some of the ways in which the authors of this book maintain attraction with our mates are:
• Regular, social interaction with men who are attractive to women. Uncalibrated and unattractive men induce the risk of socially awkward situations and won’t help you to mature into a more attractive man.
• Clear demonstration of physical leadership in our daily lives. We are each living our lives in a manner congruent with our beliefs, with gusto and without apology.
• Regular, social interaction with other attractive females. Women are social creatures, and will derive emotional satisfaction from being with a man capable of being with a variety of women.
Normal, social interactions with attractive women are critical for several reasons. Within the hothouse of a relationship, interactions between men and women can assume bizarre and ultimately unhealthy forms without socially calibrating experiences with normal, healthy women outside the relationship. Direct, personal feedback from women allows us to calibrate our behavior within the relationship. When we are passing tests thrown by women outside the relationship, we have a baseline for our own behavior inside the relationship. For those of you who enjoy jealous women (we do not), this could inspire a certain amount of jealously, which also increases attraction, so calibrate accordingly.
Men, note well: encourage your woman to maintain normal, regular social interaction with males of her acquaintance. If you are the man of her dreams, her Prince, you have nothing to fear.