Women get the men they deserve.
One point I try to make in my roaming about the blogs dedicated to intergender dynamics is reading articles from many different perspectives. When I have the time, I actively hunt down articles that I know I will disagree with. I think it’s far too easy to get locked into the habit of seeking out bloggers, articles and statistics that reaffirm our own particular views. Even within the circles with which we’d be inclined to agree with there will often be a lot of conflicting viewpoints — such as the recent conflict pitting the MRAs (men’s rights activists) vs. the PUAs (pickup artists), or Game vs. MGTOW (men going their own way).
I began my own blog with the intent of studying the reasons why intergender social and psychological dynamics evolve, what functions they serve, and develop contingencies or actionable methods of bettering one’s life using this information — this is really the core of Game. The problem inherent in this, truly unplugging and becoming aware of your own feminine conditioning in general, is that it often comes with a healthy dose of disillusionment.
Once you strip away the heady fantasies of soul-mates and expectations of ’happily ever afters”, and replace it with a more practical understanding based on reasonably reliable, empirical, explanations, what you’re left with looks a lot like nihilism. Even for the most staunch realists among the ’community’ there’s still a desire to want to apply, however slightly, some kind of magical thinking to the process of connecting with another human being. For other Men it may be some esoteric desire to cast their association in terms of honor, integrity or respect — for women it comes as idealization or predestination.
I’m not saying this desire to spiritualize these connections is without merit, but I can’t help but see the conflict it has in coexisting with the practicality of what we’re learning about ourselves. Just in the last 30 years we’ve come to understand the biochemical / hormonal natures of our emotions. We know a hormone like oxytocin induces feelings of trust and promotes nurturing. We know that the endorphin / dopamine profile associated with feelings of infatuation, lust and love is chemically similar to that of heroine.
Poof! There goes the magic.
We have an understanding of women’s ovulatory cycles and the resulting sexual
behavior predispositions that are induced by them. Only the generations of the late 20th and 21st are privy to this information. Evolutionary psychology has only risen to
prominence as a field of study in the past 15 years.
Discomfort and Disillusion
All of this makes for some very uncomfortable realizations, particularly when men become aware of the social schema established to keep them in a female-centric reality.
Game is simply the most recent countermeasure developed by men to better adapt to this feminine primacy, but it was only possible through advances in both communication technologies, access to globalized information and new socio-psychological theory. Prior to these advancements, and with the rise of feminization from the late 60s to the late 90s men were clueless as to their social predicament. From the start of the sexual revolution until the beginning of this millennia, western masculinity (and femininity) has been
subjected to the greatest deliberate social and psychological restructuring, any generation has ever known. And I shouldn’t limit that exclusively to western culture; now we see this effect filtering into Asia, Japan, even traditionally masculine Latin cultures.
As westernization spreads, so too does it’s feminization.
What have men been left clinging to? The false-guilt we’ve been taught to be ashamed of as part of our past “patriarchy” to be sure, but more importantly we were left with the legacy of that magical thinking. In the face of a yet undefined hypergamy, we wanted to still believe in the ’Sugar & Spice’ myth, the respect her wishes motive, the marriage goal — all of which were (are) still actively reinforced by a feminine imperative that knew its time had come and men were too stupid in their romanticism to know it. That is until Game was conceived.
The great and powerful Oz that was feminization is finally having the curtain pulled back on it. In this new age of communication men can globally “share notes” and come to their own conclusions — and women shriek all the louder as we hit closer to the truth.
Thanks to its relative anonymity, no longer is there any social stigma to fear from even broaching the subject of how best to deal with women. The great wailing we hear and read from women is less about current social implications and more about having the 30 year social program of feminization being exposed for what it truly was and now is. Yet even in the face of men seeing the Empress with no clothes, they still make appeals to the romantic, magical association men have always clung to before they became aware of a hypergamy-enabling feminization. We read cries of “Man-Up!” Accept your previous responsibilities of being a husband and leader, but don’t be overbearing and crush our spirits. In the back row a new generation of women, the 22 year olds, scream “where’s the party?” as they upload a fresh set of nudes shot in the bathroom mirror from their cell phones.
Women get the men they deserve. For all the crowing and publicity of feminine triumphalism, there’s still a wonderment at why men are increasingly less and less motivated to play along in their feminine reality. As tough as it is for men to disabuse themselves of their romanticism, it’s even more so for women to accept their own natures in the shadow of the experiment that was 20th century feminization. They’re reaping the whirlwind that the Matriarchy of the sexual revolution has sown. It’s all the more ironic to read the same mothers who created this generation of men lament how their daughters are unmarried and childless at 35.
Dispelling the Magic
Below is a response I gave to a guy I was counseling and I thought it sufficiently
insightful to post on the blog in regards to a pretty common topic that comes up.
I think you’ll agree.
“Rollo, is it possible to identify with women without compromising yourself?”
If it is a conscious effort on the guy’s part, no.
You bring up a good topic though, obviously when I refer to ’identifying’ with a woman, this could use some explanation. What exactly is ’identifying’ with a woman?
The root of this word is ’identity’, meaning who you are and what characteristics, traits and interests constitute your individual personality. ’Identity’, in a way, is a pretty subjective and esoteric term — kind of like trying to define what art is — it can be argued that ’identity’ is what you make of it.
While at university, my field of specialization in behavioral psychology was personality studies, and I can tell you there are a lot of theories and interpretations of what constitutes identity. However, one article that is agreed upon almost universally is that identity and personality are never static and are mailable and changeable due to influencing variables and conditions. A very pronounced illustration of this would be soldiers retuning from combat with post traumatic stress disorder — a very identifiable and verifiable form of psychosis. These men are changed individuals and their identities are altered from the time they were subject to the psychological rigors of warfare to returning back to a normalized life. Some have the resilience to adjust their personalities back to a somewhat normalized state, others sadly do not. Yet in each case the change was influenced by conditions and environment.
Likewise, most young men are subject to their own set of personal conditions and
environments, and their personalities and identities reflect this accordingly. The guy who’s naturally “lucky with the ladies” is going to reflect this in his identity. The young man who doesn’t receive regular female attention for whatever reasons is going to
manifest this condition in his identity. The guy who is focused on his own ambitions is going to reflect this in his own personality as well, but for all, when conditions are such that they feel deprived of certain experiences in their own life, this creates a conflict between a former identity and the altering of, or forming of a new one to meet the need for this experience. Couple this with the natural chemical/hormonal desire for sexual experience and you can see how powerful an influence deprivation becomes to a man’s identity.
Far too many young men maintain the notion that for them to receive the female intimacy they desire they should necessarily become more like the target of their affection in their own personality. In essence, to mold their own identify to better match the girl they think will best satisfy this need. So we see examples of men compromising their self-interests to better accommodate the interests of the woman they desire to facilitate this need for intimacy (i.e. sex).
We all know the old cliché women are all too fond of repeating, “Guys will do anything to get laid” and this is certainly not limited to altering their individual identities and even conditions to better facilitate this. It’s all too common an example to see men select a
college based on the available women at that college rather than academic merit to fit their own ambitions, or even choose a college to better maintain a pre-existing relationship that a woman has chosen and the young man follows. In order to justify these
choices he will alter his identity and personality by creating rationales and new mental schema to validate this ’decision’ for himself. It becomes an ego protection mechanism for a decision he, on some level, really knows was made for him.
This is just one glaring example of this identification, but thousands more subtle ones
exist that men (and women) pass off as social mores and contrivances. The guy stuck in the ’Friend Zone’ who got the LJBF (“lets just be friends”) line when he attempted to become intimate with his target, will happily listen to her drone on for hours on the
phone in order to find out how better to alter himself to fit her conditions for intimate
He will readily “change his mind” about even his own personal beliefs if it will better fit what he perceives is her criteria for compatibility with her. This is the compromise of identity — to fundamentally and voluntarily alter one’s own personality to achieve the acceptability of another.
When we are directly and overtly faced with this sort of challenge to our beliefs we
naturally recoil — you are your own person and would resist were your employer or your burdensome parents to tell you how you should vote (political belief), but when it comes to personality and sexual/intimacy interests, and done voluntarily, it’s surprising to see the limits of what men (and to an extent women) will do.
Men will entertain the idea that a long distance relationship (LDR) is a desirable arrangement even if intimacy has never occurred because the potential of that intimacy is
a perceived possibility. These same guys will espouse every reasoning they can conceive as to why their “relationship is different” and that they ’believe’ that “love conquers all” only to come full circle when he or she ’cheats’ or breaks off the relationship and the man comes back to his prior (though he thinks new) understanding that LDRs are in fact a bad prospect. His identity changed and then changed again to accommodate his conditions.
However, it’s not that he never truly changed or had the belief in the first place. Were these guys to take a polygraph test at the time they would indeed pass when asked if this was what they actually accepted as truth. Men will do what most deductively solves a problem, and in this he is only following the tenants of deductive pragmatism.
“I need sex + women have the sex I want + I must discover what women want to give me sex + ask women + women want X = I will do X to get sex and alter my own identity in order to better facilitate X.”
It should be this easy, but that’s rarely the case since more often than not women are unaware of what X really is, or X is subject to constant change depending on her own conditions, her innate hypergamy, etc.
Now, after all of this, is it possible that a man and a woman may in fact share genuine common interests? Of course. You may indeed find a perfectly beautiful woman that enjoys Nascar or Hockey as much as you. You may find a woman you’re attracted to who genuinely shares your passion for deep sea fishing. It’s not uncommon to share common interests, it’s when you alter your interest to better facilitate a connection that you force it.
Making this determination between genuine interests and created interests is the hair that needs splitting. I’ve personally advised guys who have literally changed careers to be in a better place to proposition a girl they fancied. I know men who’ve moved thousands of miles to live closer to women who’ve never reciprocated their interest in them, yet they continued to attempt to identify themselves with her.
I know 65 year old men in 40 year marriages, who even after intimacy was resolved years ago with the woman, are still attempting to identify with their wives because they’ve internalized this identity compromise as a standard means to getting sex from her. Their wives’s expectations of them have become their identity and at 65 this mental schema has become so ego-invested that no amount of shedding light on their condition will ever convince them of anything to the opposite.
The most ironic thing about this ’Identity Crisis’ is that the least attractive thing to most women is a man who is willing to compromise any part of his identity to placate to her, much less a wholesale selling-out of it. Women are naturally attracted to that masculine independence as it represents a very strong cue for security and the potential to provide that security to her (and any children she may have).
Women don’t want a man who’ll “do everything she says” because this sends the message that this man can be bought with even the prospect of a sexual encounter. Why would that indicate anything more than insecurity and a lack of confidence? Women want to be told “No”, and constantly test a man’s resolve to say this to her (a.k.a. shit testing) in order to affirm that she’s made the right choice (even in marriage) of a guy who’ll put his sexual impulse (knowing full-well how powerful it is with men) on hold to stick to his own self-interest, beliefs and ambitions.
This covertly communicates to a woman that his goals and determination trump her one real power over him — her sexuality. That is the man who is the prize, the ’great catch’, the male to be competed for with other women.
“Self-love is not so great a sin as self-neglect.” - Henry V
Pride is one thing that people get very confused about. It’s a healthy thing to have pride of oneself, to be proud of our accomplishments; it’s a very real source of self-confidence.
Humility is an admirable quality too, don’t get me wrong, but humility is only genuine when you’re confident of your own abilities. It takes a humble Man to walk away from a fight that he knows he could win, but chooses not to engage in. Generally humility is only self-gratifying, because only rarely will others appreciate it as humility (those familiar with your abilities) and not view it as cowardice, or at best a lack of confidence.
Pride often appears arrogant because people of lesser accomplishments become envious, and people of better accomplishments think less of them than you do. It’s very important not to appear too perfect, but it’s equally important not to seem spineless.
It’s quite another thing to be “prideful”and this is where the disconnect comes for a lot of AFCs, particularly ones with strong ego-investments in morality, chivalry, honor, etc.
My old AFC self used to struggle with this as well. The AFC sublimates himself; he self-deprecates because he believes, erroneously, that this ideology will separate him from the herd and make him,“not-like-other-guys”. He mistakenly believes that he’s unique in this when actually his thinking is the mindset of the majority.
Why? For the answer all you need do is look at the most common responses in the blog/forum comment threads from guys just recently discovering the community.
I have no doubt that there are some guys who go from zero to PUA and then parlay that into some kind of seducer-hood. I would also argue that they are the rare exceptions. Guys don’t search out community forums or blogs like mine because they’re getting too much pussy. They search it out on Google because what they’ve been doing isn’t producing the results they want. They’ve been doing exactly what most plug-ins criticize Game for — they’re working from a script.
They like to point out the flaws in autonomously adhering to a script with regards to PUA techniques; you become a social robot, not “yourself”; but from an opposite side, what you’re doing now, or have done, as an AFC is equally as scripted. The only difference, and far more insidious, is that they’ve internalized these AFC “scripts” that society on whole has conditioned into them as personal investments over the course of a lifetime.
After dropping your AFC mindset for a one based on self-interest, what happens? You probably began to see results. You can hook up with women the caliber of which were previously unavailable to you, and all it took was replacing your chump behavior and mentality with one of self-concern and self-priority. You might feel like an asshole,
people may say you’ve changed or accuse you of becoming bitter, or you’re being someone you’re not, but you couldn’t argue with the results.
One of the biggest dangers of the PUA ideal is that it does nothing to address the root problem of AFCism (for lack of a better term). AFCs don’t want to stop being AFCs. Largely, they just want their ONEitis (or their “dream girl”) to hook up with them long-term and then drift back into a comfortable state of ’just being themselves’. According to The Game ,by Neil Strauss even the Godfather of pickup, Mystery, with all his PUA prowess, degenerates into a simpering, borderline suicidal chump when he realizes that his PUA scripts do nothing for him in a monogamous LTR with Katya (his ONEitis). The most notorious PUA in modern history was still an AFC, because he hadn’t killed that mentality, that AFC internalization — he hadn’t killed his inner AFC.
Another very common occurrence is the “reformed” AFC who makes progress toward becoming more Game savvy, and as a result gets his “dream girl”, only to lose her after reverting back to a Beta frame once he’s in an LTR with her. I’m not a big fan of PUA founding father Ross Jefferies, but he did say something very profound once, he said “teaching PUA skills to these chumps is like giving dynamite to children.” This is probably truer than he realized, because the potential for disaster is much higher. Most guys want that silver bullet, the magic formula that will get them the girl, but it does nothing to prepare them for the idyllic LTR their Beta nature has fantasized about for so very long.
They don’t become Men, they become children with dynamite. So are we really surprised when the guy who finally gets his Dream Girl as a result of learning Game becomes despondent and suicidal when he loses the “best thing he’ll ever have” when she leaves him? Are we shocked when his ONEitis turns out to be a BPD (borderline personality disorder) girl and his life’s ambitions pitch into a death-spiral because he was unprepared to deal with a post-Game LTR?
The problem with just employing PUA skills to get any woman is that sometimes it actually gets you any woman. There’s no vetting process, no discernment, taught as part of technique. AFCs get so impressed with their new found PUA confidence and getting hotter women, getting their old friend-zone girl interested, or getting women at all, that they have no motivation to think about who they should get involved with. They’re
unprepared for emotionally manipulative women, and particularly when they’re more attractive than anything they’d ever had before. They obsess. They predictably get ONEitis, but they develop a ONEitis in such an extreme case that they can be suicidal about a woman they’d previously never been able to attain.
Remember this, PUA skills are tools, and valuable ones, but adopting a positive masculine mindset prepares you for more. An AFC needs to divorce himself from deep set social and psychological schema — he needs to unlearn the self-delusions that a lifetime has conditioned him to internalize into his personality. Giving an AFC Game skills before this transition will only condemn him to disappointment and despair in an LTR. The more important lesson is learned in the discarding of that old, Beta, way of thinking, while understanding the tools and techniques to apply your new, confident, positive masculine mindset.
Children with Dynamite
Rational Male blog reader, Paul, sought out my guidance for probably the single most asked for advice I receive:
“I’ve read through your blog entirely, and my biggest issue is, how do I kill the beta? Every girl I sleep with, or even fool around with, I end up developing feelings for. Even if it was a one night stand or the girl is cheating on a boyfriend with me. It’s like I have no self control; like I’m a girl that agonizes over every guy she sleeps with.”
I wish I honestly had a definitive answer for Paul. If I could construct some step-by-step program, a universal template, that men could all follow in order to kill their inner Beta, I’d be rich beyond my wildest dreams. Just as I said about the Alpha Buddha (Cory Worthington), if I could find a way to bottle the essence of Alpha I’d be set for life.
The real truth is that there is no simple answer to this, because each man’s conditions are unique to him. To be sure there are common roots to their problems, and common mindsets that form as results of attempting to formulate working sexual strategies (Beta Game) within the feminine Matrix, but undoing these mental schema and re-forming a better functional sexual strategy is unique to the individual.
I feel that this is the major reason Game is not taken as seriously as it should be — it’s a lot of work doing your own self-analysis and then creating a strategy to remake yourself. One of the reasons PUA gurus and the Game demigods of the last decade seem so cheap, like snake oil salesmen, is because they fail to take into account the degree of personalization necessary to truly kill the inner Beta that guys eventually have to confront. That’s an element of internalized Game that the guys doing pickup seminars would rather not address because your degree of success, in truth how you even measure success, is
entirely dependent upon you. Hooking up with girls you’d never had access to before may sell pick up DVDs, but changing the inner workings of your personality is a much tougher order. If you ever look through the ’self-help’ psychology section of a book store and wonder why there are so many books published in that topic, it’s exactly due to this dynamic — effecting a fundamental change in one’s life requires an effort that few people have the patience and perseverance for.
So with all of this in mind, let me say right now, I don’t have a map for you — anyone telling you they do is selling you something — however, I will attempt to point you in the right direction. I can’t say what will work, only you can find that out on your own, but try to bear in mind that changing yourself is a process that takes time.
Even for the guy’s who have an easier go of transitioning to an internal Game-state
personality, it’s still an ongoing process. I’d like to think of myself as at least a lesser Alpha, but that doesn’t mean I don’t trip up at times.
This is what I mean by the process; you’re not going to be bulletproof and pass every shit-test ever thrown at you, but be encouraged in knowing that because of your new awareness you’ll learn from what you do wrong and adjust for the next time. There is no grand arrival moment when you know you’ve got it all down, you’re an Alpha, or if you don’t like that term, there really is no definitive point at which you’ve fully internalized Game. You don’t get some certificate of Game completion. You can, however, definitively change your thinking — it’s always on-going.
Knowing is Half the Battle
If there truly is a first step in internalization then it has to come from educating yourself. This is actually one of the most difficult tasks. If you’re a reader of my blog, or are at least peripherally aware of Game as a concept, this is going to seem pretty obvious, but remember that there’s an entire world of men who are still plugged-in, still locked in a way of thinking that’s been prescribed for them by feminization since before they were born. Only a fraction of them will even be amenable to considering Game and positive masculinity, and fewer still will see its value.
From our perspective it seems like a matter of course. We read the books/blogs, familiarize ourselves with the concepts and terms, we pick what might work, experiment with ideas, evaluate the validity of them and adopt them or toss them. However what’s
apparent to the unplugged seems like blaspheme to the plugged-in.
Your “education” doesn’t stop once you’ve unplugged. In fact I’d argue that it’s even more vital in internalizing a new mindset since you’re now putting things into practice. One thing I remind guys who spit the red pill back up is that there is no going back. A lot of frustrated guys who discover Game and fail to apply it because they lack the social skills or they convinced themselves that PUArtistry was their easy magic formula to fuck the girl of their dreams, they tend to want to regress back into the comfortable shell of their former ignorance of intergender social dynamics. Only they find that there is no return. They see the truth in the what they’d been blind to no matter where they turn. The social interactions, the feminization, the raw deal they’ve been conditioned to accept as normal — all of that subtly reminds them of the truth they’re avoiding and they hate it. They become hostile to it.
I add this because it’s a very real danger for guys transitioning into internalizing positive masculinity. In the same respect you now have become (or should become) more
sensitive to Game truths and the unplugged reality you now find yourself in. There’s a point of departure from what you thought was normal to seeing the signs around you.
An easy illustration is really contemplating any gender related issue in popular media. You’ll hear a song, watch a sit-com, overhear a conversation in the lunch room, and begin to realize how surrounded you are by basic presumptions of a culture remade by feminine primacy. Understanding what your position in all of this is crucial to internalizing a new mindset or backsliding into your old frame of thinking.
Practicing the Change
It should be self-evident that applying what you’ve come to see as a new truth for yourself is vital. You need to get off the internet and field test the theories you learn here and elsewhere. Whether that means going to approach women at the clubs, or adopting a new attitude with your wife, or even the women you deal with at work, it’s really up to you. The hardest part of practicing change is the initial shock of having the people who know you question the validity of the new you. If you were to move to a new city, completely change your social circle and play the role of an asshole Alpha, no one is the wiser.
However, make a radical shift in your personality with those who’ve known you for years and you’ll be a poser who’s “trying to be something he’s not”.
Human beings need predictability — it gives them a sense of control over others. When you alter yourself, or have your personality altered by an outside force, this is a threat to that predictability, so the logical counter is for others to attempt to put us back into our places. Shaming comes as a natural tactic for women, but the push is always to get you back into their frame. That’s essentially the threat others interpret; the new you is a frame grab. Do it all at once and people will accuse your personality of being a disingenuous reaction to having been burned. Do it subtly and persistently over a time and people will be more willing to accept the change as genuine. Always insist on change, but never too quickly.
This is important to remember because your friends will be your biggest source of doubt in your transformation. They might mean well, but understand, that intent comes from a desire to see normalcy, not your best interest. The first time an old girl-friend you had a thing for calls the new you an “asshole”, it’s kind of a shock to the system. There’s always this stab at the old you who wants to set things rights, but you have to resist this impulse to take offense. It’s really hard to say “yeah, I am an asshole” as a point of pride when your whole prior life’s learning taught you not to offend others and particularly not girls you’d ever wanted to fuck. It’s counterintuitive to the Beta in you. As sadistic as it sounds, you’ll be more consistently rewarded for your capacity to indirectly offend the women you want to get with, but the internal conflict this creates between the Beta you and the burgeoning Alpha you is the hardest part to reconcile. This is where most guys fail in transitioning, and this is primarily due to an unpracticed ability to keep their emotions in check.
Aesthetics vs. Social Robots
This will sound counter to anything your feminine conditioning has ever taught you, but men are the True Romantics, women are simply the vehicles for that rarely appreciated romanticism. One of the biggest gripes the post-sexual revolution feminization had with men was some prepackaged notion that men weren’t in touch with their feminine sides. We were “out of touch with our feelings”. God curse Carl Jung’s rotten corpse to hell for ever convincing popular culture that each sex had equal, but unexpressed, measures of feminine and masculine energies. Western culture has been so saturated with Jungian theory that we don’t recognize it as such. It’s become normalized to believe an idealized goal-state is a genderless, androgynous society.
Rants aside, up until the last 50 years, it has in fact been men who’ve been the sex with the most self-control regarding emotion. It’s been just this reservation that’s made Men more endearing to women. Either as enigmatic poets and artists for women to figure out, or as natural stoics who’s every measured expression of emotion is an event unto itself, it’s been Men’s classic reservation of emotional inaccessibility that’s made women more interested in Men.
In contemporary society, men are encouraged to express themselves as a primary way of accessing a woman’s intimacy — essentially killing any sense of mystery to unravel with full disclosure. Brain function gender differences aside, it would be my guess that men socially evolved a more reserved expression of emotion, not due to some juvenile
insecurity, but rather because it so consistently worked in generating interest in women.
Not so in this age. At every instance boys and men are conditioned to think that emotional expression is a means to solving problems. Boys don’t cry, was instituted with a purpose. Unguarded easily expressed emotion is an evolved feminine trait. It’s not that men should become social robots, deadened to all but the most intense emotion, it’s just become
normalized to cheapen that expression by overuse. Displays of a Man’s emotions should be rarely given divine gifts for women who are generally lacking in true appreciation as it is.
Unlearn What You Have Learned
It’s very difficult for a Beta man, conditioned for so long to be emotionally available, to turn these emotions off. The good news is I’m not suggesting you do. What I am suggesting is that you unlearn your reasons for developing emotional sentiments so easily. It’s easy to go emotionally cold as a result of being burned, it’s a much taller order to tamp that emotionality back into check when you’re really feeling good about it. Our emotions make us human and humane. It’s important to embrace that as essential to the human experience, but equally important is to see how easily it’s used against you. You need to unlearn the reasons why you’re so easily emotional. Maybe it’s abandonment issues, maybe it’s a more deliberate conditioning in your upbringing, but the first part of controlling it is to recognize it..
Remember in high school, in Drivers Ed class, when you were taught to turn into a skid rather than turn with the skid? When we’re driving and we find ourselves in a skid our natural impulse is to slam on the breaks and/or, worse still, to turn with the skid.
Everything in our self-preservation instinct tells us to do this, but all it does is aggravate an already precarious situation. However, when we’re taught, and we practice, not hitting the brakes and not turning with the skid, but into it, often enough we make this our
default reaction and we find that the car rights itself, we avoid disaster and continue safely on down the road.
You have to unlearn the old behaviors and condition new ones in order to right your course. This takes practice and repetition — even in the face of conditions that you would impulsively think would need to be reacted to otherwise. There is no substitute for
Changing your mind about yourself is the first step. This is actually the most difficult step for guys because most don’t want to believe they need to internalize a new way of thinking about themselves. Lethargy, for the most part, can be the primary reason most guys don’t want to change. It’s far easier to create rationales for oneself as to why they are happy in their present condition than it is to critically confront and initiate real change.
Unfortunately, I can’t give you some standardized program to help you magically turn into the Man you hope to be. Only you can determine that course, but I will say this, the Man you wish to become requires you to take action. The goal posts for your own
satisfaction will always keep moving away from you, and that’s a good thing. This is what inspires us to grow and mature and develop a capacity to overcome challenges. However, all this requires action on your part.
You can pour through all of the advice and sift out the wisdom from this book, my blog and the community at large, but none of it will amount to anything for you if you wont act. I can’t begin to recall all of the times I’ve counseled young guys, giving them all manner of advice and encouraging them to put it into practice, only to have them constantly bemoan that they can’t find the motivation. More often than not it takes some traumatic experience or they have to be reduced to having nothing left to lose before they’ll really have the fire lit under their asses to become more than they are.
I don’t consider myself a motivational speaker, but at some point you have to cross the abyss and change your mind about yourself. You must kill the Beta you, to become something more. You will only get what you’ve gotten if you keep doing what you have done.
Kill the Beta
I’ve had a fantastic marriage for over 17 years now, but I’m not going to sugar coat the facts that marriage involves life changing sacrifices for men that no woman will ever fully understand or appreciate. After digging four chapters in here the idea that I may be averse to the institution of marriage would follow. I realize this, and I’ve dealt with it enough on my blog and more than a few community forums, but for the record, I’m not anti-marriage. I’m anti-uninformed, Pollyanna, shoulda’-saw-it-coming, ONEitis fueled, shame induced, bound for bankruptcy, scarred my children, damaged my life, marriage.
A woman loves you when she takes you for granted. That sounds odd I know, but it’s when she’s not fawning all over you and you’re in your 10th year of marriage and it’s just part of everyday conversation. “OK, love you, bye” is at the end of every phone call. You’re not thinking about it, because you don’t need to.
If you’re asking the question “how do you know when she loves you?” You’re not in it. It’s only when that familiarity and regular comfort is removed that she can appreciate it. Once the commonness of love is established women will only rarely express it overtly — in fact the expression will be what’s expected of you — so you have to look for it covertly.
All the flowery crap you read in your Hallmark card on Valentines Day or your Anniversary was written by someone else. Though it’s nice to have these gestures of appreciation occasionally, it’s more important to see the forest for the trees. It’s not individual acts of affection or appreciation so much as it is the whole of what you both do on a regular day-to-day basis. It’s what you and she are all about after your three hundredth bowl of oatmeal together on a Saturday morning and your kids are fighting for control of the TV remote while you’re sitting across the breakfast table discussing which bills need to be paid first this month and how bad the lawn needs mowing that defines love and marriage.
Yes, precisely the things you’ll never think about when you’re sarging her or considering moving her up in your plate spinning line up.
This is what marriage is; not necessarily boring per se (although it certainly can be more often than not), but ordinary. It’s normal, common, or becomes so. Think about how many people who’ve lived, married and died on planet earth who did exactly the same things as you. That’s the real test of marriage that no one who hasn’t experienced it can really relate in any meaningful sense.
The happy, Oprah-ized idea is that you have to “keep it fresh”, but even after a night of freshening it up and the Wal-Mart lingerie is in the clothes hamper, and you pick up the kids from spending the night at her sisters house the morning after, you go back to the day-to-day marriage you’ve always had.
This is the shit no one tells you about when you’re being sold on the Marriage Goal — the “now what?” feeling that comes directly after you’ve found the ONE you’ve been conditioned to think you’re looking for, or “did the right thing” with and married because she suddenly rediscovered religion after you’d had marathon sex with her for 3 months straight and wouldn’t abort the pregnancy.
I think what most men uniquely deceive themselves of is that they will ultimately be
appreciated by women for their sacrifices.
Learn this now, you wont. You can’t be because women fundamentally lack the capacity to fully realize, much less appreciate the sacrifices a man makes to facilitate her reality. Even the most enlightened, appreciative woman you know still operates in a feminine-centric reality.
Men making the personal sacrifices necessary to honor, respect and love her are commonplace. You’re supposed to do those things. You sacrificed your ambitions and potential to provide her with a better life? You were supposed to. You resisted temptation and didn’t cheat on your wife with the hot secretary who was down to fuck and ready to go? You were supposed to. Your responsibilities to maintaining a marriage, a home, your family, etc. are common — they’re expected. They are only appreciated in their absence, in their lack and in their failing.
This is the totality of the feminine-centric reality. Men only exist to facilitate the feminine reality, and any man who disputes this (or even analyzes its aspects) is by definition not a ’man’. It just is. Even the most self-serving, maverick amongst men is still beholden to the feminine imperative in that he’s only defined as a rebel because he doesn’t comply with the common practices of ’men’ in a female defined reality. Ironically it’s just this maverick who is appreciated by the feminine above those men who would comply with it (or even promote it) as a matter of course.
The concept of appreciation dovetails into a lot of other aspects of intergender relations, so try to bear this in mind as you continue reading.
For instance, assume for a moment that a 40 year old Man with the options to pursue younger women “does the right thing” and seeks out a relationship with a woman his own age. Would he be appreciated for essentially giving an aged woman a new lease on life or would he be viewed as doing what is to be expected of him?
Would a man who marries a single mother and helps with the parental investment of another man’s child be appreciated more for having done so? Would it even factor into a woman’s estimation of his character, or would he simply doing what’s expected of a man? The question of appreciation is a real quandary for the White Knight.
Relationships aren’t work.
Familiarity does in fact breed contempt,..and mediocrity, and routine, and banality, and commonness,.. which is why so many marriages end up in the shit can. Men and women give up on themselves.
The “Relationships are work” meme is a feminine Social Convention.
How often do you hear men say these words? This convention has filtered into
popular consciousness even amongst men now. For the LTR men who subscribe to this I’d also speculate that many of them are in relationships where they are “doing the work” for the women who are giving them the ’grade’ so to speak. And of the single men who subscribe to this mythology, each had to be conditioned to believe this is the case in LTRs by women. This is rooted in the mistaken belief that men’s actions and sacrifices can ever be appreciated by women.
What would the best method be to get a man to live up to the idealizations a woman has as her perfect mate (however twisted and convoluted this may have been defined for her)? Women love the ’fixer upper’. “He’d be such a great guy if only he would, _____” or she’ll say “I’m working on him.” It’s when the conditioning goes from “I’m working on him” to “We’re working on our relationship” that he has now internalized her frame control.
This is where the mythology of Relationships-as-Work is derived from. How often is it the woman who needs the ’work’ in the relationship? And if it is her, the terminology of the relationship and the associations change. ’Work’ implies a man better conforming his identity to her ideal relationship, to better fit the feminine-centric reality. What better way to initiate this than to psychologically condition him to want to embody her ideal — even before he’s ever met a woman or been involved in a relationship?
Women should only ever be a compliment to a man’s life, never the focus of it.
How common it is today to be married or getting married before we’ve realized any of our potential. For all the articles I read moaning and groaning about what a listless generation of “kidult” males we’ve inherited, that’s far removed from the reality of the young men I do consults with. No, what they want is just enough Game knowledge to connect with their Dream Girl and relax into a blissful beta cocoon of monogamy. They want to commit. Their lifetime AFC psychological conditioning makes commitment an urgency.
It never ceases to amaze me when I talk with these young men in their teens and 20s and they try to impress me with their fierce independence in every other realm of their lives, yet they are the same guys who are so ready to limit that independence and ambition in exchange for dependable female intimacy. They’re far too eager to slap on the handcuffs of monogamy, rather than develop themselves into men of ambition and passion that women naturally want to be associated with.
The truth however is that the longer you remain uncommitted, the more opportunities will be available to you. It’s been stated by wiser Men than I that women are dream-killers — and while I agree with this, I’d say this is due more to the man involved, and their own complicity and apathy, than some grand scheme of women.
It’s actually in women’s best interest that you don’t commit to them for a variety of
reasons. I realize how counterintuitive that reads, but in your being so readily available you decrease your value as a commodity to them. Scarcity increases value, and
particularly when the reason for that scarcity is something that serves another’s interest (hers in this example).
The mid-20s Man pursuing his ambition to become an attorney in law school or the pre-med intern spending long hours at the hospital with aspirations of becoming a doctor is hindered and encumbered with the complications that maintaining a monogamous relationship necessitates of him. His time and efforts need to be applied toward achieving his goals to become an even higher value Man — not just in terms of financial success but for his own edification and confidence. Needless to say, the constraints and obligations that maintaining a monogamous relationship require — both in time and emotional investment — make achieving these ambitions far more difficult.
I tend to promote the idea that Men should be sexually, emotionally and relationally non-exclusive until age 30, but this is a minimal suggestion. I think 35 may even serve better for Men. The importance being that as a Man ages and matures in his career, his ambitions and passions, his personality, his ability to better judge character, his overall understanding of behavior and motivations, etc., he becomes more valuable to the most desirable women and therefore enjoys better opportunity in this respect. Women’s sexual value decreases as they age and it’s at this point the balance tips into the maturing Man’s favor. It’s the Men who realize this early and understand that bettering themselves in the now will pay off better in the future while still enjoying (and learning from) the opportunities that come from being non-exclusive and non-commital make him a Man that women will compete for in the long term.
In your mid-20s you are at the apex of your potential with regards to the direction you will influence your life to go. I’m not going to make any friends by pointing this out, but what pisses off most “serial monogamists” is the unspoken regret of having assumed the responsibilities, liabilities and accountability of what monogamy demands before they truly understood, much less realized their personal potentials.
If you are single at 35 with a moderate amount of personal success, you are the envy of man-dom because you possess two of the most valuable resources most men your age or older statistically do not - time and the ability to maneuver. I envy you. You are unshackled by the responsibilities, liabilities and accountabilities that most men your age in marriages, LTRs, with children, or recovering from divorce must contend with daily. Without any intention you are in such a position that you can go in any direction of your choosing without considering the impact of your choice for anyone but yourself. Many other men, in the most ideal of LTRs, do not have this luxury.
When you think of all the responsibilities that are required of most men (and women) in modern life today, you have won the lottery! I was once asked what I’d buy if money were no object, to which I answered, time. Power isn’t financial resources, status or influence over others; power is the degree over which you control your own life, and right now, if I’ve just described you, you are powerful. Trust me, this is as good as it gets and this is made all the better because you are old enough to understand and appreciate what is really at work here.
Women are damaged goods for you now? So what? You have the freedom to sample as indiscriminately or as particularly as you choose. Can’t find a good LTR? Why would you want to?! Let her find you! You fear you’ll end up old and lonely? I’d fear ending up so paralyzed by a fear of loneliness that you’d settle for a lifetime of complacent misery in a passionless marriage.
I’m an adherent of the ’build it and they will come’ school of thought in this regard. Women should only ever be a compliment to a man’s life — never the focus of it.
Is it better to choose the path of least resistance to get to an idealized, prefabricated intimacy or self-develop and get the same intimacy? True, both instances put women as the focus of a Man’s life, and this is a position that most women will find endearing at first, but suffocating in the end.
Women want to ’want’ their men. Women want a Man who other men want to be, and other women want to fuck. She doesn’t want a slave to her intimacy since this puts her in the masculine role. Rather, she wants a decisive mature man who has the confidence to put her off, to tell her ’No’, in favor of his ambition and passions as this serves two purposes.
First, it sets his frame and his direction as the one of authority, and his development as the primary; the results of which she and her potential children will benefit from. Secondly, it puts her into a position of chasing after him — essentially his legitimate ambitions and passions become the ’other woman’ with which she must compete for his attention.
Note that I stated ’legitimate’ ambitions here. A woman involved with a law student or an intern who have the potential to become lawyers and doctors are fairly solid bets for
future security. An artist or musician, no matter how talented or committed to their passions will only be viewed as beneficial if they can prove their case to select women. However this can be offset by single-minded determination, once again, with select
women with a capacity to appreciate this drive. This said, think about the fellow who’s chosen to be a plumber or a mechanic as his calling. The best plumber in the world is only going so far unless he has dreams to own his own business.
All of this is limited by a man’s attitude towards the opposite sex. Women are dream killers. Not because they have an agenda to be so, but because men will all too willingly sacrifice their ambitions for a steady supply of pussy and the responsibilities that women attach to this.
So yes it is better to develop yourself rather than take the path of least resistance. That’s not to say don’t sarge until you’re out of college, in your 30s and have your career in
order. It is to say don’t consider monogamy until you are mature enough to understand it’s limiting effects and you’ve achieved a degree of success to your own satisfaction
according to your ambitions and passions. It is also to say that women should compliment and support your plans for your own life.
Our great danger in this life is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.
One of the hardest things to drive home for a freshly unplugged guy is their tendency towards absolutism. You can’t really blame a guy who’s been desperate for intimacy for so long to want to follow some prescribed program that will only solve his most
“OK, what do I haffta do to get girls? Wear this? Say this? Act like so?,..”
It’s exactly this type of literalistic, binary bent that makes most Plug-ins skeptical of the proponents of Game, and thus the veracity of Game itself.
Understanding the difference between Peacocking and having a style is one of these
“Wear a funny top hat? Black nail polish? Get the fuck outta here!,..”
Most guys new to Game tend to conflate the more extreme aspects of Peacocking with having a style or as Adam Carola puts it, having A look. This is a very awkward
progression for ’regular’ guys to make because for so long they’ve been told to Just Be Themselves. They find comfort in saying things like “I don’t want to be with a girl who doesn’t like me for who I am” yet wonder why they’re dateless virgins who’ve never kissed a girl at 29.
It’s important to have A Look. The basis of physical attraction is going to be conditional for any individual girl, but always bear in mind that A look is contextual. The archetypal “douchebag” with tats and an MMA appeal is a Look. Guyliner, black nail polish and Emo skinny jeans is a Look. The guy in a 3 piece Armani has a Look, and there are
dozens more, but the point is that women are in fact like casting agents looking for the right character to fill a role.
But, does “A” look really imply “any” look? Some of these men look so bizarre that it’s hard to imagine them conforming to an interesting character sought by a particular group of women. Can freakishness itself be a strong pivot in attracting women?
“Freakishness” to some is mundane to others. Everyone is playing a role by order of degrees on any given day and in any given circumstance. Where I work I’m free to wear jeans and a t-shirt if I so desire, but I opt to dress much sharper than that, why? Because it commands a certain respect, even if it’s not necessarily legitimate. When I’m at a club, say, doing a new product launch, my persona and dress changes to match the environment.
A flamboyant PUA like Mystery doesn’t go around wearing elevator boots and top hats to the 7-11 to buy a big gulp. He still peacocks for sure, but it takes far less now because guys like him have distilled the principle down to what draws attention in various situations.
Club hopping in full Gene Simmons stage attire isn’t impressing anyone, but that’s what a lot of guys without A Look like to poke fun at — the extremes. An extreme douchebag, an extreme Emo, an extreme Orange County Chopper style, etc. make for easy targets, but that’s not the point of having A look.
Peacocking is not a style, it is a functional PUA skill ( use of props actually). It takes a sense of style to know how to pull it off effectively, but peacocking as a skill is more about use-of-instance than it is about your overall look.
When PUA studies were in their infancy, the idea of peacocking was pretty much a no-brainer. In fact it was a concept that libertines throughout history have always known. It’s not too hard a concept to follow since most socially intelligent people (and even low order animals) will want to set themselves apart from the mating herd. Everyone peacocks to some degree. Just selecting a tie or a pair of shoes for an occasion may seem innocuous enough, but subconsciously you make choices and develop preferences for certain items in certain situations because you think they improve your appearance, and thus your odds for drawing attention to yourself.
The intent behind peacocking is more about having a subtle difference, or a conversation piece that draws a woman into your frame. Oddly enough (or not) I’ve found that nice expensive shoes seem to be a natural pull for some girls. This isn’t surprising considering most women’s obsession with shoes. One thing that’s important to remember is women’s sensitivity to covert subcommunication, body language, appearance, non-verbal cues, etc. In the briefest glance they’ll size one another up and come to operative conclusions about a woman’s status in their girl-hierarchy. It follows that they use the same tools with the Men they find attractive.
Most newly Game-aware men who are comfortable enough to venture using Peacocking don’t realize that a little goes a long way. Your Game isn’t peacocking, it’s just the flashy lure to get the fish to strike. It’s up to you to play the fish once it’s hooked.
Have A Look
I once read an article about the 5 stages of grief (confronting death) and how they apply to coming into acceptance of a previously rejected truth. Yes, I know, there’s no end to the ridiculous interpretations of this played-out pop-psych list, but I was curious about how this might apply to an AFC coming to grips with unplugging from the Matrix, so I did a bit of searching and what did I find on my blog roll search but this:
1. Denial — Still Plugged -In: “These game guys are a bunch of clowns, there’s no way this works on women. Women aren’t stupid. What a bunch of misogynists.”
2. Anger — Post-Red Pill Awareness: “This is ridiculous! Why should I have to jump through all these hoops for women? I just want to be myself. Why couldn’t I have been a Natural Alpha®? I blame my parents/siblings/teachers/God/liberals/feminists/media/
society, maybe those famous pussy-starved mass murderers weren’t so crazy after all.”
3. Bargaining — Unplugged: “Well maybe it does have some good points…but, forget the hot girls, they’re way outta my league. I’ll give it a try if it can help me get around the bases with a Plain Jane. Do I have to wear the fuzzy hat and black nail polish?”
4. Depression — Bitter Taste of the Red Pill: “Wow, women really respond to this puffed-up act? And guys spend big bucks on it and wind up with more ass than a toilet seat? And I just joined up for this? The world is sad and so am I…”
5. Acceptance — Game Awareness: “Maybe this is the way things really work. I guess I should give up the gender relations mythology I’ve been holding onto…hey, what do you think of these negs I came up with?”
6. Jaded* — MGTOW Permutations: “Fuck learning all these rules. Sex isn’t worth it and women aren’t that fun anyway. The last thing I want to do is learn routines or the 5 stages of pickup. There’s too many websites, too much to read, I can’t remember it all much less sort it all out. Who has all that time to go out and chat up women anyway? It’s not like I see any women under 40 at work at my engineering job to practice on. Video games and porn are more fun and more available. I just haffta look good and let the women come to me”
I get a ton of private messages from forum members, and read threads about guys with friends or relatives in, or just getting over, horrible relationships and how they’ve tried to unplug them only to run into stiff resistance. Looking at this process to acceptance it’s no wonder why.
* This is a late addition to the list, hardly original and arguably relevant, but I added it for precautionary measures since it’s a common aftereffect of unplugging.
The 5 Stages of Unplugging
I’m going to finish this chapter with one of the most important Rational Male essays I’ve written according to my readers. I saved this for last because it’s the most important precaution to keep in mind when your eyes are being opened and you, or people you know, are worried about your transformation into becoming Game / Red Pill aware.
A lot gets made of the Dark Triad or the Dark Side of Game where a skillful player can sadistically use his newly learned red-pill super powers for evil instead of for the greater benefit of both himself and mankind. Game-aware women — the ones who have been forcibly exhausted of all pretense of maintaining the illusion that Game is a lie — will feel as though it’s owed to them, in their concession of Game’s reality, that Men should use Game to women’s primary benefit. Even to the last effort women still cling to the tools of a feminized acculturation:
“Yeah, OK, you got us, Game is really what women want, hypergamy is the law of
womankind, but now it’s your responsibility that you use it for the better benefit of society by molding a new breed of improved Game savvy Beta men to accommodate a
feminine-centric monogamy. You owe us our security for having admitted to the grand illusion that’s kept you in thrall for so long.”
It’s an indictment of Game-aware women, and sympathizing men, that they should feel a need to delineate some aspects of Game into good camps (pro woman, pro feminized
monogamy) and bad camps (manipulative, polygynous, male-centered). Even in the admission of the truth that Game has enlightened Men of, the feminine imperative still seeks to categorize the application of Game to serve its own end. That Men might have some means of access to their own sexual strategy is too terrible a threat; Game must be colored good or bad as it concerns the imperatives of women and a fem-centric societal norm.
As the default, socially correct and virtuous concern, women have an easier time of this.
As Game becomes increasingly more difficult to deny or misdirect for the feminine, the natural next step in accepting it becomes qualifying its acceptable uses. While hypergamy is an ugly truth about women, the characterization of it becomes “just how women are” —an unfortunate legacy of their evolution. However for Men, the characterizations of the harsher aspects of Game in its rawest form (contingencies for hypergamy) are dubbed “the dark arts” by those who have an interest in maintaining feminine primacy.
Myth of the Dark Arts
According to common definition, the Dark Triad is a group of three personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy, all of which are interpersonally aversive.
Depending upon context, that may be a convenient assessment of a sociopathic personality, but it is hardly an accurate assessment of Game as a whole. In its desperation to come to terms with a more widespread acceptance of Game, the feminine imperative had to make some effort to dissuade the common man (see Beta) from embracing the means to his release from the feminine Matrix. Associating Game with Dark Triad personality traits makes this qualification process much easier, since the feminine imperative owns the messaging and the defining authority of what is social and what is anti-social.
The problem then becomes one of defining what acceptable use of Game is social and anti-social. Predictably Game-accepting women will want to cast Game into terms that suit them individually and accommodates for their own personal conditions as well as the priorities of their particular phase of life. However, because of such diverse conditions, consequently there is a lot of disagreement amongst Game-accepting women about what should constitute appropriate use, thus a pick-and-pull form of rationalization about aspects of Game gets thrown about in their internal debates.
For feminized men this is a very confusing debate. It’s difficult enough for them to accept that women love Jerks (despite being told the contrary for half their lives by women), but for the Game-accepting women they still think are ’quality’ it’s a bitter pill to swallow when these women debate the aspects of acceptable, lovable Jerk-like qualities and the evil, user, manipulative, ’dark art’ Jerk that only contextually misaligns with their present conditions and priorities. For both the plugged-in and the freshly unplugged this is an incongruity that they have a tough time reconciling against the ideals of moralism that a fem-centric society has unwittingly convinced them of.
While a broader understanding of hypergamy and Game make for useful tools for
enlightened single men, the Game-accepting Beta plug-in will still see it strictly as a means to satisfying the female imperative — long-term provisional monogamy. Any deviation from this narrative, any guy using Game for personal gain, personal pleasure or to enact his own sexual strategy is guilty of crimes against (feminized) society. Since the societal Greater Good has been defined by the feminine imperative, anything counter to it is definitively evil, counterproductive, anti-social and manipulative sociopathy.
The Bitter Taste of the Red Pill
The truth will set you free, but it doesn’t make truth hurt any less, nor does it make truth any prettier, and it certainly doesn’t absolve you of the responsibilities that truth requires.
One of the biggest obstacles guys face in unplugging is accepting the hard truths that Game and a new awareness of gender relations forces upon them. Among these is bearing the burden of realizing what you’ve been conditioned to believe for so long were
comfortable ideals and loving expectations are really liabilities. Call them lies if you want, but often there comes a certain sense of hopeless nihilism that accompanies what amounts to a system that you are now cut away from. It is not that you’re hopeless, it’s that you lack the insight at this point to see that you can create hope in a new system — one in which you have more direct control over.
There are no “Dark Arts”, this is simply one last desperate effort of the feminine imperative to drag you back into the Matrix. There is only Game and the degree to which you accept it and are comfortable in using it in the context that you define.
If you choose the context of a mutually beneficial, mutually loving, mutually respecting LTR monogamy of your own choosing, know that it’s the fundamentals of Game that are at the root of its success or failure. If that context is in terms of spinning multiple plates,
liberating the affections of women from other men, and enjoying a love life based on your personal satisfactions, also understand that it lives and dies based on your understanding the fundamentals of Game.
Just as Alpha is not inherently noble or deplorable, Game is neither inherently good nor evil — the Devil is in the details and whomever’s defined context in which you use it. In the introduction section of the 48 Laws of Power, author Robert Greene explains the same about power. Power is neither good nor evil, it simply is, and your capacity to use power, your comfort in using it, doesn’t invalidate the principles of power. Likewise, your
discomfort or inability to accept those principles does not excuse you from the
consequence of having that power used upon you.
The unwritten, 49th Law of Power, is denying the utility of power itself, or demonizing its use both moralistically and socially. With the wide dispersion of Game theory this has been the reactionary tact of the feminine imperative; appeal to the deeply conditioned moral, ethical, honorable, virtuous ideals and feminine-specific obligations engrammatically planted in men by a fem-centric society, while redefining the acceptable use of the same Game the feminine imperative demonizes for its own purposes.