“So what’s the endgame Rollo?”
“By subscribing to your Preventative Medicine plan, men can and will protect themselves from being casualties of the Feminine Imperative. But what are we ultimately striving for? Is it to remain in a perpetual state of plate-spinning bliss? Do we game the older hens and then leave them clucking when they make their stake for commitment? Do we just ignore women unless they’re under 27 and down to fuck?”
As I mentioned in the introduction, this series probably wont address particular personal issues some readers will want it to. I also understand that while I can provide this outline, it doesn’t really go into depth about how a man might use this knowledge to his best advantage with his particular woman. However, my hope is that it will put certain behaviors and mindsets you find in a woman, and how they align or don’t align with this outline, into something more understandable for your individual experience. This is in no way comprehensive or meant to account for every woman’s circumstance, but rather to help a man with what he can expect in various phases.
It’s preventive medicine, not a cure for any particular disease.
Imagine for a moment I had the temerity to presume that I know exactly what a 60-year-old reader experiences in his personal life with a post-menopausal wife. I could take a good stab at it (in fact I have an essay about dealing with menopause) but anything specific I could prescribe for him would be based on my best-guess speculations and according to how I’ve observed and detailed issues in this series or any of my past work.
From my earliest posts on the SoSuave forum I’ve had men ask me for some ’medicine’ for their condition; some personalized plan that will work for them. This sentiment is exactly what makes PUAs and manosphere ’self-help’ speakers sell DVDs and seats at seminars. They claim to have the cure. I say that’s bullshit.
I’m not in the business of cures, I’m in the business of connecting dots. Imagine any PUA guru attempting to force fit their plans to accommodate that same 60-year-old man’s situation. There are various self-styled ’marriage coaches’ who make earnest attempts to remedy married men’s (lack of) sex lives, but what’s the real success rate? Is it even measurable? Even these outlines are just a map, a diagnosis, that men have to subjectively modify for themselves per their own experience, station in life and demographic.
You see, your cure, your plan of action isn’t what any other man’s will be, or your future son’s, or anyone else reading my work. I can give you a map, but you still have to make your own trail. I’m not your doctor, I want you to be your doctor.
What I experience day-to-day isn’t at all what a majority of men experience. My sexual past, my ’notch count’, my 18 year marriage, and what I do professionally sets me apart in a way that I sometimes don’t appreciate or take into consideration when I’m advising men.
It’s very humbling and affirming when I receive emails or comments from men living in countries I’ve only seen in pictures who nevertheless share a common male experience that reinforces many of the things I write about — but even within that commonality, I have to remember, my circumstance is not theirs.
I used to walk through a casino almost every day and I’d see the same people. Not the fun glamour you see in commercials or ads about Las Vegas, but the real people, the overweight, the housekeeping and table crews, the geriatric spending their savings and social security on a hope they’ll win something significant, the desperate and the people just looking for a distraction.
I walk by some of these men and think “how is Game going to help a guy like that?” While I do believe that Game is universally beneficial on many levels (primarily between the sexes, but not exclusively) there’s a point where that improvement is going to be limited by a guy’s circumstance, where he is in life and what he’s made of it so far. It’s a manosphere cliché now, but most men aren’t ready for the Red Pill. The Red Pill awareness is simply too much for them to accept within the context of their circumstances.
That circumstance isn’t based on age or a particular demographic, but Game and a Red Pill perspective is only going to be as liberating for a man in so far as he’s willing to accept it in terms of his own circumstance.
Game gets a lot of misconstrued criticism in that ignorant critics presume Game only ever equals sex-starved PUAs in funny hats and “those guys are solely interested in fucking as many low self-esteem sluts as humanly possible.”
It’s much more difficult and self-examining for them to confront that Game is far more than this, and applicable within relationships, in the workplace (with women and men) and even in their family dealings.
That’s kind of a scary prospect for men who’re comfortable in living within their own contexts and circumstance. Sport fucking isn’t what most men think it is because they’ve never experienced anything beyond serial monogamy, nor is it what most (Beta) men even have the capacity to actualize for themselves. But, as Game has evolved, it isn’t just about spinning plates, or sport fucking, it’s more encompassing than this.
Game is, or should be, for the everyman.
“He only wants me for sex” or “I need to be sure he’s interested in me and not just sex” are the admonishments of women who really have no introspective interest in how a majority of men really approach becoming intimate with women. Oh, it makes for a good rationale when women finally “want to get things right” with a provider, but even the excuse belies a lack of how most men organize their lives to accommodate women’s schedules of mating.
Mostly to their detriment, the vast majority of men follow a deductive, but anti-seductive, Beta Game plan of comfort, identification, familiarity and patience with women in the hopes that what they hear women tell them is the way to their intimacy will eventually pan out for them. Their Beta Game plan is in fact to prove they “aren’t just in it for the sex” in order to get to a point of having sex with a particular woman.
I always find it ironic when men tell me that their deductive plan for getting after it with a woman is to prove he’s not actually trying to get after it with her.
However, this is what most men’s Game amounts to; deductively attempting to move into a long term monogamy based on what women, saturated in a presumption of gender equalism, tell him he ought to expect from himself in order to align himself with her intimate interest.
I could use the term “appeasement”, but that’s not what most men want to call it. Most men call it being a better man (for her), better than those “other guys” who wont align themselves accordingly. It becomes their point of pride in fact.
Most men, average men — and I don’t mean that in a derogatory sense — want a form of security. Most men are designed, perhaps bred, to be necessitous.
To be sure, men need to be constant performers, and constant qualifiers, in order to mitigate Hypergamy. In the past, and to an extent now, this performance simply became a part of who he was as a man and didn’t require a constant effort, but increasingly, as male feminization has spread, men have been made to feel necessitous of security.
The security average men seek is rooted in a need for certainty in his ability to meet with a woman’s performance standards — and ultimately avoid feminine rejection.
In today’s feminine-centric social order, men are ceaselessly bombarded with masculine ridicule, ceaselessly reminded of their inadequacies, and rigorously conditioned to question and doubt any notion of how masculinity should be de-fined — in fact ridicule is the first response for any man attempting to objectively define it.
It’s this doubt, this constant reconsideration of his own adequacy to meet the shifting nature of women’s hypergamic drive, from which stems this need for security. The average man needs the certainty of knowing that he meets and exceeds a woman’s prerequisites in a social circumstance that constantly tells him he never will — and his just asking himself the question if he ever will makes him that much less of a man.
The average man will look for, or create his own rationales to salve this necessitousness. He’ll create his own ego in the image of what he thinks he embodies best as being “Alpha” or he’ll adopt the easy doctrines of equalism which tell him women and men are fundamentally the same rational actors.
He’ll convince himself he’s not subject to the capricious whims of feminine Hypergamy or some thematic schedule of women’s life events because men and women are more ’evolved’ than that— but that nagging doubt will manifest itself when the right circumstances and right opportunities present themselves at the correct time, and just enough to make him think twice about that time line.
Changing Your Programming
I mentioned in the first book that I am not a motivational speaker.
I’m not anyone’s savior and I would rather men be their own self-sustaining solutions to becoming the men they want and need to be — not a Rollo Tomassi success story, but their own success stories.
That said, let me also add that I would not be writing what I do if I thought that biological determinism, circumstance and social conditioning were in surmount-able factors in any Man’s life. Men can accomplish great things through acts of will and determination. God willing, they can be masters of those circumstances and most importantly masters of themselves.
With a healthy understanding, respect and awareness of what influences his own condition, a Man can overcome and thrive within the context of them — but he must first be aware of, and accepting of, the conditions in which he operates and maneuvers.
You may not be able to control the actions of others, you may not be able to account for women’s Hypergamy, but you can be prepared for them, you can protect yourself from the consequences of them and you can be ready to make educated decisions of your own based upon that knowledge.
You can unplug.
You can change your programming, and you can live a better life no matter your demographic, age, past regrets or present circumstances.
— Rollo Tomassi