The Redevelopment / Security Phases
Back when he had a terrestrial show, radio personality Tom Leykis had everyday women call in and tell their stories of how they ’used to be’ sexually and how they are now. He came up with this after driving past a grade school on his way to the studio and seeing all of the women there waiting for their kids to come out and wondered about what their lives used to be like in their childless 20s. This was a wildly popular topic and the confessions just poured in as if all of these women had been waiting for years to come clean anonymously about the sexual past that their husbands would never dream they were capable of.
Each of these women sounded proud of themselves, almost nostalgic, as if those experiences were some kind of past accomplishments.
This is why I laugh at the concept of the Quality Woman most men believe are jewels in the rough only they had the good fortune to find. Don’t misinterpret that as a “women = shit” binary opinion. I mean it in the sense that most guy’s concept of a quality woman is an unrealistic idealization. There’s not a guy in the world who committed to monogamy with a woman who didn’t think she was ’quality’ when he decided to commit to her.
Even if she was a clinical neurotic before he hooked up with her, she still had “other redeeming qualities” that made her worth the effort. It’s only afterwards, when the world he built up around his idealization of her comes crashing down in flames, that she “really wasn’t a Quality Woman after all.”
An interesting internal schism occurs for women during the latter half of the first Security phase and through the Developmental phase. The first aspect of this psychological schism is a drive for an unalterable sense of security. As she matures, the priority for an enduring security intensifies with each child she bears and each life incident where that degree of security is tested.
For the married woman who consolidated upon her best available provider male, this intensification usually manifests itself as a ceaseless series of shit-testing, not only over his capacity to consistently deliver an ever increasing need for that provisioning, but also the Alpha suitability she convinced herself that the Beta she married would mature into later. The primary conflict for her during these phases is that her provider male’s SMV potential never quite looks like or compares with the idealized memories of the Alpha men she entertained in her Party Years.
I’ve written several essays regarding the dynamics of the Alpha Widow, but at no other phase of a woman’s life is she more prone to mourning a prior Alpha lover than when she enters the Developmental stage.
This is when the security a woman was so incensed to in her Epiphany Phase becomes a liability, but still a necessity of her life. This assured security affords a woman a renewed focus on the Alpha Fucks side of Hypergamy — an Alpha reinterest in physicality and the hope that her maturity would make her a better judge of the type of man who might better fulfill that Alpha role than her current provider.
From a social convention perspective this is the ’cougar’ fantasy phase. Unless a man has reinvented himself and capitalized on his SMV potential so significantly as to separate himself from the prior impression of Beta providership ’acceptability’ a woman initially expected of him, five minutes of Alpha experience in her 20s will always trump 5-10 years of Beta dedication on his part.
If women can realize the Alpha Fucks aspect of Hypergamy during her Party Years, and then realize the Beta Bucks aspects of Hypergamy after the Epiphany Phase, then the internal schism a woman experiences in her Developmental Phase becomes a difference between her reconciling those two aspects within the man she’s currently paired with. The second aspect of this schism is a marked re-interest in the Alpha attributes of either the man she’s currently paired with, or the Alpha attributes of men outside that pairing. This side of the schism is particularly frustrating for both Alpha and Beta men paired with a woman experiencing it.
Deal with It
The more an Alpha man actualizes his SMV potential — through maintained (or improved) looks, career, maturity, affluence, status, etc. — the more a woman’s need for enduring security becomes threatened as her SMV consistently decays in comparison to his. A woman’s logical response to this new form of competition anxiety usually manifests in two ways.
The first being an intense motivation to domineer and control her relationship by placing herself in a dominant role. She assumes (or attempts to assume) headship of the marriage / relationship by way of a new, convenient, conviction or from a self-created sense of her husband’s (by association all men’s) inherent untrustworthiness bolstered by social conventions that insist women need to be the head of the house (i.e. “she’s the real boss”).
Her insecurity about her own comparative SMV manifests in her demanding he ’do the right thing’ and limit his SMV potential for the sake of a more important role as her (and their family’s) dutiful provider. The message becomes one of “don’t think too highly of yourself mister, you’ve got a lot of responsibilities to live up to.”
Of course the problem with this is that a man acquiescing to such dominance not only loses out on his capacity to maximize his SMV peak potential, but also confirms for his wife that his status isn’t as Alpha as he’s confident it is. This Alpha disenfranchisement will play a significant part in a woman’s Redevelopment Phase.
The second logical response is apathy and resentment. A disconnect from her SMV-peaking mate may seem like a woman’s resigning herself to her non-competitive SMV fate, but it serves the same purpose as a woman’s insistence for relational dominance — an assurance of continued security and provisioning as the result of his willfully limiting his SMV potential.
This apathy is, by design, paired with the guilt that her mate is more focused on his own self-development than the importance he should be applying to her and any family. The result becomes one of a man chasing his own tail in order to satisfy this passive insecurity and failing passive shit-tests.
In either instance the seeds of a man’s success or decline are planted in his ability to identify this schism in relation to how it aligns with his SMV potential at the same time it affects his long-term partner.
The problem with the schism is that for all the limitations a woman would emplace against a man actualizing his SMV potential, the same limitations will also constitute a significant part of her justification for being dissatisfied with him during her Redevelopment Phase.
Redevelopment / Reinsurance
The Redevelopment Phase can either be a time of relational turmoil or one of a woman reconciling her hypergamous balance with the man she’s paired with. The security side of this hypergamous balance has been established for her long-term satisfaction and a new Alpha reinterest begins to grate at the ubiquitous, almost too dependable certainty of that security.
Bear in mind that the source of this certainty need not come from a provider male. There are a lot of eventualities to account for. It may come from a ’never married’ woman’s capacity to provide it for herself, the financial support levied from a past husband(s) or father(s) of her children, government subsidies, family money, or any combination thereof.
In any event, while security may still be an important concern, the same security becomes stifling for her as she retrospectively contemplates the ’excitement’ she used to enjoy with former, now perceptually Alpha, lovers, or perhaps the “man her husband used to be”.
My fellow, esteemed blogger Dalrock has long covered the topic of women entering the Eat, Pray, Love (after the movie) phase very well, coining the phrase “She was unhaaaaaappy,..” This is the justification call of for women entering the Redevelopment Phase. Divorce-fantasy media abounds for women in this phase.
Depending on when she consolidated on long-term monogamy, her kids are at, or almost at an age of real independence. It may even be at the “20 year itch” empty nest stage I described in part three, but there is a fundamental reassessment of the man she’s paired with and how his now realized SMV potential has either proved to have been a good bet, or a disastrous misstep. And as with the various prior phases of maturity, she finds there are convenient social conventions already pre-established for her to help justify the decisions she’ll make as a result of this reassessment.
The binding, cooperative arrangements of childrearing that necessitated her drive for security gradually decrease in importance, giving way to a new urgency
— pairing with someone “she really connects with” before her (adjusted for age) SMV / looks are entirely spent on the provider male she now loathes the idea of spending a future with. That Beta has served his usefulness and now she realizes what she really needed all along was a man who she has a true respect for under the conditions that her maturity has at last made her aware of.
This is the turning point at which most Beta men, still hopefully reliant on the false notions of an earned equity in their relationship, find themselves on the sharp end of the feminine Hypergamy they’ve cognitively dissociated themselves from for a lifetime.
It’s not all doom and gloom however. Depending upon a woman’s degree of self-awareness and realism about her late-stage SMV, the decision may simply be one of pragmatism — she understands she’s with the man who can now best embody a hypergamic balance for her in the long term — or she genuinely has a long term (feminine defined) love and affinity for the man she’s paired with, who finally ’just gets it’.
Other considerations factor in as well; it’s entirely possible his SMV peak will endure longer than her reassessment of him will take to determine. Religious conviction may play a (albeit convenient) part in this reassessment, or she may realistically assess her own SMV as decayed to a point where staying with her provider male is her only tenable option.
There’s an interesting trend in the divorcing schedules of Baby Boomers that strongly correlate with this Redevelopment Phase reassessment I’ve described here — it’s called Grey Divorce. Americans over 50 are twice as likely to get divorced as people of that age were 20 years ago:
Jim Campbell, 55, of Boulder, Colo., says he and his wife grew apart after 34 years together. “The No. 1 best thing in common that my ex-wife and I had was raising kids,” Campbell says. When their two sons grew up, he says, “we just didn’t have enough activities, passions, interests that were in common. And when the boys were gone, that just became more and more — to me — obvious.” — National Public Radio Interview, Grey Divorce
As is the wont for a feminized media, the focus is on men who divorce their wives, but statistically it’s women who initiate over 70% of all divorces. That’s an important statistic to bear that in mind when considering the psychological impetus for women’s Redevelopment Phase.
In the interest of fairness, a woman can also find herself forced into this Redevelopment as the result of a man who’d come to realize his SMV peak and became actively aware of how a woman’s Hypergamy had influenced his decisions for him. There are a minority of men who take the Red Pill or otherwise who exit a marriage they’d been ’settled’ on for as her Plan B, or they may in fact want to redevelop themselves for the same reasons women make the reassessment and capitalize on what value their SMV has left to them.
Regardless of how she comes to it, nothing is more daunting for a woman than to reenter the sexual market place at such a severe disadvantage. After the Wall, women dread the idea of having to start over in a sexual market place in which they are grossly outmatched, so even the slightest deviation from the ’security forever’ script becomes a major ego threat. If that security is more or less assured, there are feminine social conventions ready to make that prospect more palatable. ’40 is the new 30', “you still got it”, and of course the strong independent woman® brand offers women a plan for ’cougardom’.
Depending on a woman’s relative SMV (that is to say amongst her generation’s peers) she may entertain these conventions more or less successfully, but this reinvention of a woman’s Party Years, still suffers from a need to reestablish a semblance of security after a point. While it may be ’exciting’ to relearn how to maneuver in a new SMP, the underlying desire is still one of security.
Late Phase Security
Finally we come full circle and back to a new interpretation of the same security a woman sought after her Epiphany Phase. During this late phase, that may last from a woman’s late 40’s, 50’s or even indefinitely, as a result of an inevitable SMV decay, the security side of a woman’s Hypergamy swings into its final, permanent, position. It’s important to remind yourself of the distinction that this security isn’t necessarily founded on financial provisioning, but rather an emotional, intimate dependence and acceptance for a woman from an acceptably masculine man — often in spite of a past that she would rather be (expects to be) forgiven of by virtue of her age and her perceived life experience.
While she may harbor some desire to live vicariously through the experiences her now grown daughters or younger female friends in various phases themselves, her message to them is one of precaution, but tempered with the subconscious awareness of how Hypergamy has set the frame for her past. This is the phase during which (duplicitously) women tend to mentally rewrite their past for what they believe should be the benefit of younger women.
As an aside, I should point out that with the advent of the internet and the permanency of all things digital, this is becoming increasingly more difficult for mid-life women.
This is the phase during which a woman not only desires secure acceptance of who she is from a suitable man, but it’s also the phase she attempts to create a secure social paradigm for herself. To be sure this drive is firmly couched in a woman’s innate solipsism, but her desire for security extends beyond a want for her own personal, assured, security, and to woman-kind on whole.
Women in this phase may be concerned for the futures of their daughters — and sons who may come into contact with women following the same hypergamic paradigm she used on their father(s) — but the concern is voiced for society and women as a whole. Rarely is this social concern an admission or testament of her own regret, but rather it’s something she must address to reconcile the parts of her past, the undeniable results of her hypergamy, that she can’t escape.
Once menopause occurs that retrospective need becomes more urgent.
Social Conventions — Briffaults Law
Robert S. Briffault (1876 — 1948) was trained as a surgeon, but found fame as a social anthropologist and in later life as a novelist. You can look him up on Wikipedia to get a better understanding of his social ideas — some I agree with, others I think are dated — however Briffault’s Law has found an unlikely popularity in the 21st century manosphere and finds a new relevance when contrasted with the Late Security Phase:
The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.
— Robert Briffault, The Mothers, Vol. I, p. 191
As you can guess, this proposition makes for an interesting parallel when you consider that a woman has reached an age well past her prime sexual years and has, for the better part, her long-term security needs provided for by family, past or present husbands, social support infrastructures and female-unique social benefits.
There are other additions and interpretations various Red Pill bloggers have applied to this law, but for the purposes of understanding the later maturity phases here I think it’s best to stay with Briffault’s initial concept.
In 2013 the Pew Research Center released an analysis on marriage trends based data from the U.S. Census Bureau. That analysis indicated that while nearly two-thirds of previously married men expressed a desire to remarry, less than half of previously married women had the same desire.
You can digest that data in the context of our contemporary sexual marketplace and come to the conclusion that women simply aren’t prepared for, or willing, to make the effort to secure new monogamy, but I’d propose that much of that lack of will is also the result of Briffault’s Law. Men, and particularly men of their own demographic and comparative socioeconomic status, simply don’t serve the same usefulness to women who’s long term security (both financial and interpersonal) is relatively provided for.
On some level of consciousness women perceive less or no benefit from those men in the same degree to which they had use of them when facing their Epiphany Phase earlier in life.
“He was never much of a man…”
Since I started writing on SoSuave, and especially more now that I’ve detailed a societal comfort with an open Hypergamy, I’ve had many guys relate a similar story about how their grandmother, mother or mother-in-law had just openly told him or his wife that her husband was never “much of a man”.
These women were all in their late 70s to early 80s and at that phase of life all bets are off. What do they really have to lose by letting their daughters and granddaughters in on grandma’s words of warning about “settling” on a man? I’ve even had women readers relate how their own mothers confessed that there was “just a part of her she just could never share with a man like her father.”
These confessions usually came after her husband was in the ground or had been delivered to the assisted living facility or was too far gone to really register the gravity of her real end-of-it-all estimate of him after living the better part of her life with him. The guys who relate these stories to me are Red Pill aware so their jaws dropping came with a little knowing expectation, but imagine how the Blue Pill husband of the daughter of one of these elderly women must process that confession. What mental contortions does a man need to do to fit that information into a Blue Pill mindset?
When a woman has nothing to really lose by copping to it is when they’re most comfortable with openly expressing Hypergamy. This is becoming more common for younger women due to the social and personal security they’re ’entitled’ to now, but for women who don’t really feel that security has solidified until their golden years this admonition and confession of open Hypergamy almost seems like a relief to them. A relief in the hope that they’ve warned their daughter or granddaughter to opt for monogamy with an exciting Alpha lover/husband (no matter how perceptual) rather than the ’safe bet’ she made by settling on her Plan B man, her Beta-dependable husband she conveniently ’found’ in her Epiphany Phase.
As women age towards their later years the urgency to warn younger generations of the sisterhood about the results of their hypergamous life decisions becomes more pressing. To be sure, there’s a degree of desire to live vicariously through their daughters’ and granddaughters’ experiences, but more so, this confession is for their own need of closure — a final coming clean about what was really influencing those past decisions and living (or not) with them. There comes a point in a woman’s life when admitting the ugly truth feels better than worrying over keeping up the pretense of genuine concern.
Far too many Blue Pill men (even young men) are terrified of living the life of the lonely old man. They imagine that if they don’t comply with the Feminine Imperative’s preset relational frame of women that they’ll live lives of quiet desperation. In the first book I outlined this in the Myth of the Lonely Old Man — the threat point is one where men are encouraged to believe that if they don’t comply with women’s relational primacy they’ll endure a life of decaying loneliness into old age, unloved and devoid of children who’ll comfort them bedside as they peacefully pass into the next life.
What these Blue Pill men fail to realize is this is simply one more part of the fantasy they’re conditioned for. Do a Google image search for “end of life issues”, see all of those pictures of grandpa holding hands with wife and family in a clean comforting hospice bed saying his last goodbyes before he passes on? That advertising is the Blue Pill fantasy. In all likelihood you’ll die in an elderly care home, from lung fluid buildup, in the middle of the night with no one around or a complete stranger in the bed next to you. I understand that’s a depressing thought, but the truth of it is you really have little pull in deciding how you’re going out at that stage, and hopefully that wakes you up about living a Blue Pill existence based on fear, compliance and appeasement to the end.
Put that into perspective with a man who wakes up to his Red Pill conditions.